'I will never do what my mom did to me'

By Min-G Yao | May 8, 2009, Friday |

Print Edition

WHATEVER their relationships with their own mothers, Michelle Yang, Zhang Rui and Rosy Huang all told Shanghai Daily the same thing, essentially: "When I have my own child, I won't do what my mom did to me. I'll be a different mother."

Two years ago before she got married, Candy Chen said the same thing. Today she is 27 and her son will be one-year-old in June.

Chen was always bothered by some of her mother's habits, such as nagging, restricting her and comparing her (usually unfavorably) to other kids all the time.

"My mom just says the same things over and over again. I promised myself that I would never nag my child," she says.

But we often treat our children the way our parents treated us, we do what our mothers and fathers did. Chen has already made some of her mother's perceived mistakes.

"Since my baby was born, I realized how naggy I could get. My husband has warned me a few times that my baby will get bored with my repeating lines as he grows up. But strangely, I just can't seem to help it," Chen says.

Chen can't help comparing her baby with her friends' kids either (fortunately, he doesn't yet know it). They discuss and compare child development, when baby spoke the first word, and so on.

"Sometimes, I realize immediately that I'm doing what my mom did and I am actually shocked by my own actions," says Chen. "But somehow, I keep doing it. And I think I start to understand my mother a little bit."

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'I will never do what my mom did to me'

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