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‘The city helped me grow and face fears’
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I’m leaving Shanghai, with armfuls of hugs and the feeling of leaving a part of me here and taking a big part of you. You made me grow up as a person, face fears and value in all its glory my family and my country.
I cried because I missed the birth of my granddaughter, but I deserve and I need my own space and time to develop as a writer. That’s my passion and why I came here.
Thank you Shanghai for being with me every day as a finished my novel on October 30. Here I celebrated my 54th birthday.
I arrived with so much hope and returned with the smiles and love of (Hu) Peihua and the staff of Shanghai Writers Association. Women were the most important persons in my stay here, as Peihua was always with us. The day I was sick, she came to see me at 11:40pm. She always tried to understand our whims, our characters.
The staff were brilliant, kind, smiling and did great work, including our interpreters Sherry and Haiyan who worked with a smile, despite authors’ frustrations because they could not pronounce foreign names. So many hours translating without breaks, English-Chinese-English, almost simultaneously. We had a wonderful time and laughs with the staff.
Now I feel as if it were a dream, now that my wings take me across the sea, leaving behind the images of the city of skyscrapers and lights. I left behind the terrible driving of motorcycles and cars. It was very difficult for me, fearing that when I crossed the street I might be killed by a crazy driver.
I keep in my mind’s eye the beautiful Chinese gardens, the pond with orange fishes, limestone, trees and beautiful architecture, a perfect setting for reflection and writing.
I remember the day I let go to mourn because I didn’t understand why I was here and not in Mexico celebrating the birth of Lilu, my first granddaughter. Denyse (Woods) hugged me and told me that, whenever I needed, she was there, close to me.
There were many memories, the hours I passed, walked and worked in my apartment, my nest, my refuge, where I tried to cook but everything was going so badly that I threw it away. I had to clean it thoroughly myself because the maid only spent a minute inside.
Among cars, motorcycles and bikes, I walked the streets, I found wonderful people, who even invited me to a traditional tea ceremony. I almost became addicted to green tea, but the tastiest is jasmine.
I’ll never forget the Bund, the lights on the Huangpu River and all the people enjoying their city.
I remember the park next to the apartments where I walked in the morning and even danced with a Chinese man. At the end, people clapped because I could keep up with him.
Goodbye to Shanghai and your contradictions, censorship, your spring without birds. But I felt good, though I also felt exiled to a place where I had to defend myself with my little English.
I realized that my 70 percent is not enough. I should try harder to reach 99 percent. It was so difficult to understand such different English accents. Some spoke as fast as moving trains, some swallowed their letters and words and some made fun of my English. This was very hard to me but also a lesson. Or maybe I should learn Chinese?
I’ll never forget the brave women of this country who excel in a man’s world despite history, traditions and so much misogyny and discrimination. In the past, you Chinese women had no rights, no voice, but you are warriors who never wavered in your efforts. Brave and powerful women, I will miss you.
Thank you to everyone for helping me grow and believing in me, for giving me so much and teaching me how to live day by day, with patience and tolerance, with the assurance that I was not alone.
I was writing all the time and now I have a diary of over 150 pages. I have written so much to finish my novel.
Thank you, Shanghai, for teaching me how to live with myself and share with you.
My heart and gratitude to everyone.
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