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Amusing musings on life in this crazy metropolis
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IT’S a bad China day when ... you’re walking ankle-high in water in the middle of downtown after yet another freak rainstorm.
I’d rather be doing ... exactly what I’m doing right now.
When I was growing up, I wanted to be an astronomer ... that is, until I found out a professional baseball player gets paid much better for doing the same job of standing in a field, staring at the sky and looking for tiny white objects.
The phrase I use the most in Chinese is ... “qing qu bo te man” (“please go to The Portman”), which is what I tell taxi drivers and what everyone calls our property.
The Chinese phrase I hate the most is ... “huan ying guang lin,” the ubiquitous and often monotonously spoken welcome you hear whenever you enter a restaurant.
The one thing Shanghai is missing ... a real park where you can walk on the grass with your dog without being scurried away by hollering security guards.
My favorite bite in Shanghai … I don’t leave the office much, so I have to say I’m a devout patron of all of our many restaurants here at The Portman, oops, Shanghai Centre.
The meaning of life is … never look forward to retirement but continue turning the pages of life with bated breath.
The perfect night out in Shanghai … a friendly game of poker with my buddies, pizza and wine at the ready … ok, maybe not so friendly.
The one thing all Shanghai residents should know is ... we are representatives of the fastest-growing city in the world. There are many tourists and newcomers, so put on a happy face and be courteous and friendly when asked for directions.
The most ridiculous thing I’ve ever seen in Shanghai is … while waiting at a red light a taxi driver got out and relieved himself on the road in plain view of everyone, including his customers. I guess he really had to go.
The sexiest thing about Shanghai is … walking down a street in the former French concession at night and then popping into one of the many small cafes/bars when you’re tired.
If I could change one thing about Shanghai … place “STOP” signs at intersections where there are no traffic lights … and then enforcing these signs.
Shanghai is to Beijing as the old James Bond (smooth and suave) is to the new James Bond (strong and direct).
The most common misconception about China is ... that the cities are cold and over-crowded. Have you ever walked down one of the streets in the former French concession at night?
If I were an animal, I’d be a bird (the bigger the better) because … c’mon, who wouldn’t want to be able to fly?
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