NOTHING is more talked about at the moment than the "leftover men" or "leftover women," terms that prevail in the media, gossip and online, and describe those young people not yet in relationships or married. But why are so many young people "leftover?" A recently issued report on Hangzhou young people's relationship values provides some answers.

The report published by the Hangzhou Commission of Communist Youth League of China is based on questionnaires completed by more than 2,000 young people working or studying in Hangzhou. The number of males and females questioned was fairly equal.

The report reveals some interesting data:

More than half of the men questioned take "women's appearance" as a vital standard when selecting a mate, while 45 percent of women put more importance on "men's capability and talent."

Nearly half the people asked would prefer their marriage partner to be a civil servant, and about 20 percent more women than men believe that "a car and an apartment insure the marriage."

Though more than 70 percent of candidates prefer to run into a date by chance, nearly two-thirds of them have been on a blind date more than once a year.

Shanghai Daily spoke to some young locals whose love experiences, to some extent, mirror the report's findings and social reality. And Lu Qi, local relationship expert and writer of best-seller "The Life of Women is All About Marriage," provides his comments.


Dragon Xiao

Male, 33, government researcher

Xiao was born into a farming family in a small village in Hunan Province and gained his doctorate degree in Hangzhou. He became a public servant after graduation.

Compared to his peers, his financial status is quite good. His employer will award him an apartment once he gets married, as an incentive to retain his talent.

However, he has only had one relationship in his life, and it didn't occur until he was 31. Even worse, it only lasted for two months.

Despite the fact Xiao has had tens of blind dates, why has he only had a deep affection for one woman?

He explains that most of his blind dates are introduced to him by his colleagues, who assume Xiao needs a wife who shares a similar education background with him.

His blind dates have included the daughter of a government leader, women holding doctorate or postgraduate degrees, and women from wealthy or literary families.

He refused relationships with all of them.

"I don't need a woman to govern the family," says Xiao. "I face leaders every day at work, and I don't want to see another leader at home."

Eventually, he began a relationship with a pretty woman who had only recently finished high school.

But Xiao said they broke up after two months because the woman's friends deemed them an imperfect match due to Xiao's not-so-good appearance and dress.

What the report says

In the report there is a multiple choice question for "standard of a mate" -- or what is the first thing a person looks for in his/her ideal mate. Both men and women's most important standard is the same: "the personality." Yet their subsidiary requirements differ.

Men chose "appearance" as the second standard and put "financial status" last, while women ticked "career development," then "capability and talent" and "financial status."

Obviously, men value a good-looking woman, and women think highly of a man who is successful, or has the potential to be successful.

What Lu Qi say

Relationships and marriage have a class structure. For example, it is hard for an executive to fall in love with a factory worker.

However, male desire goes beyond the class structure. Men can love a woman as long as she is pretty.

Therefore, in a time when women share the same or even higher positions with men, it is tough for women who are still looking for men that have a higher status than them, while men can cross any class to find their mate.

Shelly Zhou

Female, 26, university teacher

Shelly Zhou, who grew up as the best student in elementary school, middle school and university, is good looking, slender and gentle. But Zhou has been bothered most throughout her life by the problem of relationships, because she has never had a serious one.

Here's her problem: as she teaches in a university in a suburb, her chances to meet a man, who is not a colleague or student, are almost zero. Furthermore, she, as a master, would prefer to find a husband with a master or a doctorate degree, which makes the circle of potential matches even smaller.

One year ago, one of her colleagues romantically pursued her for a while, yet Zhou, who has had no experience of relationships at all, was timid to accept him and behaved coldly.

"I was afraid to go out with a co-worker," Zhou says. "What if we broke up? Everybody would know!"

Her worry drove the man away. Two months later, she discovered he had entered a relationship with another woman who also works in the school.

Unfortunately, a similar story featuring a different man happened to her six months ago.

What the report says

The report indicates 53 percent of women think their options of finding a suitable partner are few due to their small social circles. The rate is 18 percentage points higher than men's.

Meanwhile, the number of women finding a date through social activities is 12 percent less than men, suggesting women's initiative is weaker.

What Lu Qi says

You cannot get married with such strong pride. A husband or wife won't fall from the heaven to you.

When someone is ready to get married, he or she needs to put their self-respect to the side and be prepared to operate in every channel that may find them a marriage partner, such as blind dating, meeting others online and socializing with different people.

Watson Zhang

Male, 27, English teacher

Watson Zhang, who works in a private English school, is charming, rich and even has a lot of students who like him.

He can easily afford a car and even an apartment, but he refuses to buy them, so he can avoid women "who only 'smell' my money," he says.

Zhang names the women hunting for rich men with houses and cars as "weak rabbits hunting for a strong tiger," and he definitely doesn't need "a crazy rabbit."

"Those rabbits are shortsighted," he explains. "Have they thought about they might get rejected by the tiger one day in the future?"

Zhang remains single because he insists on waiting for a woman who is "intellectual, open-minded and willing to nurture each other in the future," he adds.

What the report says

As the report confirms, 58 percent of men agree "love is the most important, and the couple can strive for the other things."

Yet, nearly 40 percent of women believe that a "naked marriage won't sell, only a car and an apartment insure the marriage." The figure is nearly 20 percent higher than men's.

"Naked marriage" is a popular slang term in China, which means getting married without a house, a car, a diamond ring and a proper wedding ceremony. Just getting a marriage certificate and having photographs taken is all that is involved.

What Lu Qi says

"To nurture each other in the future years" is definitely the responsibility of the both two in a relationship.

However, once they get married, men need to give women sense of security.

It's okay for a woman to say "let's have a naked marriage," but it sucks if a man says so, because that means he does not respect his future wife.

Marriage is so important that even if the husband cannot buy an apartment he needs to rent a nice apartment for the family, for the future baby and for the woman he loves.