Parents grieving the loss of a child find solace and hope at new center
August 27, 2011, Saturday
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Print Edition
Print Edition
THE death of a child can devastate a family, especially in the one-child culture of China.
The Jingchuan population and family planning office in Minhang has opened a center to help parents who have lost children aged 16 or older.
Seventy-eight parents living under the shadow of sorrow and solitude are benefiting from the service since the Xinyiyuan center opened in June.
"Most of these parents can't have another child because of their ages," said Zhu Xiahong, director of the center. "Some of these parents have retired. They are vulnerable and desperately need the care and consolation of others."
Zhu said she first got the idea for the center two years ago but lacked the courage to act on it.
At the time, she and other staff in the office visited the homes of grieving parents during the annual National Day holiday in October and during Spring Festival in late winter. Some of the families were so grief-stricken that they refused to open their doors, Zhu recalled.
The office once held a get-together for such parents. Many who came wept during the event, but most found some joy in sharing the common sorrow of others facing the same losses.
"They are unsociable and sensitive," Zhu said of the parents. "They find it hard to socialize with people whose children are alive, when their own hopes for the future have died. They are not looking for sympathy. They are looking to share what they feel. It's okay if they cry. It helps relieve what is bottled up inside."
Zhu talked her idea over with friends and colleagues, who encouraged her to set up a center for grieving parents.
One of Zhu's friends lost her 22-year-old daughter to disease, and she told Zhu that parents with living children couldn't possibly understand the grief of losing a child.
Zhu wanted to hold the center's first event outdoors to allow sunshine to suffuse the group of parents who attended.
A questionnaire was sent to the families earlier this year to solicit their opinions about venues. Tongli, a famous water town in the city of Suzhou, not far from Shanghai won the most votes.
Fifty-eight people signed up for the free event. The parents ranged in age from 48 to 81. They traveled to Tongli for a one-day excursion with six staff members from of the office.
Smiles appeared on faces, sometimes for the first time in years.
"I once thought I would never smile again, but the center has made me feel reborn," said the mother of a son who due of leukemia. She declined to be identified.
"At the center I can express my feelings freely," she said. "It is a warm haven, offering comfort to our group of lonely people."
A father who lost his zest for life after his son died, echoed the same feeling of resurrection from despair after seeking the companionship offered by the center.
Zhu said psychological sessions have begun at the center and more activities are planned. The schedule includes session on improving health and participation in charitable events.
She said about 139 people in Jiangqiao have been identified as parents who have lost children, and 78 of those are people who lost children 16 years or older.
The latter group is especially vulnerable because they are older people who often no longer work and have no one to talk to. Some shy away from even visiting relatives, Zhu said.
In Minhang, parents whose children die aged 16 years old or older are eligible to receive a subsidy of 5,000 yuan (US$769). If either parent is 60 years or older, the couple is provided free lunches every day.
The Jingchuan population and family planning office in Minhang has opened a center to help parents who have lost children aged 16 or older.
Seventy-eight parents living under the shadow of sorrow and solitude are benefiting from the service since the Xinyiyuan center opened in June.
"Most of these parents can't have another child because of their ages," said Zhu Xiahong, director of the center. "Some of these parents have retired. They are vulnerable and desperately need the care and consolation of others."
Zhu said she first got the idea for the center two years ago but lacked the courage to act on it.
At the time, she and other staff in the office visited the homes of grieving parents during the annual National Day holiday in October and during Spring Festival in late winter. Some of the families were so grief-stricken that they refused to open their doors, Zhu recalled.
The office once held a get-together for such parents. Many who came wept during the event, but most found some joy in sharing the common sorrow of others facing the same losses.
"They are unsociable and sensitive," Zhu said of the parents. "They find it hard to socialize with people whose children are alive, when their own hopes for the future have died. They are not looking for sympathy. They are looking to share what they feel. It's okay if they cry. It helps relieve what is bottled up inside."
Zhu talked her idea over with friends and colleagues, who encouraged her to set up a center for grieving parents.
One of Zhu's friends lost her 22-year-old daughter to disease, and she told Zhu that parents with living children couldn't possibly understand the grief of losing a child.
Zhu wanted to hold the center's first event outdoors to allow sunshine to suffuse the group of parents who attended.
A questionnaire was sent to the families earlier this year to solicit their opinions about venues. Tongli, a famous water town in the city of Suzhou, not far from Shanghai won the most votes.
Fifty-eight people signed up for the free event. The parents ranged in age from 48 to 81. They traveled to Tongli for a one-day excursion with six staff members from of the office.
Smiles appeared on faces, sometimes for the first time in years.
"I once thought I would never smile again, but the center has made me feel reborn," said the mother of a son who due of leukemia. She declined to be identified.
"At the center I can express my feelings freely," she said. "It is a warm haven, offering comfort to our group of lonely people."
A father who lost his zest for life after his son died, echoed the same feeling of resurrection from despair after seeking the companionship offered by the center.
Zhu said psychological sessions have begun at the center and more activities are planned. The schedule includes session on improving health and participation in charitable events.
She said about 139 people in Jiangqiao have been identified as parents who have lost children, and 78 of those are people who lost children 16 years or older.
The latter group is especially vulnerable because they are older people who often no longer work and have no one to talk to. Some shy away from even visiting relatives, Zhu said.
In Minhang, parents whose children die aged 16 years old or older are eligible to receive a subsidy of 5,000 yuan (US$769). If either parent is 60 years or older, the couple is provided free lunches every day.
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