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Do yourself a favor and just say no
By Aubrey Buckingham |
January 8, 2009, Thursday
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Print Edition
Print Edition
THIS is it, lads. We now find ourselves swimming in the murky waters of 2009, unsure whether this sludge we paddle through will rot our flesh or if we are simply going to be devoured by terrors from the deep.
Such uncalled-for pessimism, some of you holler from the back, but, dear reader, surely the warning signs have been clear. This is the year when we must seek shelter from the results of soiled trousers hitting the proverbial fan, leaving each and every one of us smothered in their dirty contents.
We are hardly indulging in needless fear-mongering, our friends, but rather setting the tone in anticipation for the dissolution of our very souls. You see, if it is not the credit crunch that pulverizes our hapless bodies, it's the banality of everyday life that saps the spirit as we attempt to muster some sort of defense in the face of impending adversity. We are losing a battle of hearts and minds, and being ground into empty shells of human beings.
One of the biggest culprits when living in this city is the quality, or rather the lack thereof, of television we have to deal with. If you are one of the naughty lads with a cheeky metal dish pointed out your window, which we may assume is not used to eavesdrop on the amorous activities of your upstairs neighbors, then we suppose you thrive in a world more privileged than we do.
We occasionally get to indulge in such a world of high-budget programming, where our minds get filed away by the relentless assault of reality television. Hands up if any of you have seen an episode of "The Hills." Now go jump in a lake. Seriously, we don't get it, this is a show about nobodies doing absolutely nothing of note, yet the entertainment paps are all over them. What adds insult to injury is how these clowns have invaded more mainstream programs like Letterman, as if we are actually meant to give two tugs of a dead dog's tongue.
And how about the da ge of all reality shows, the one that actually got these banality going "Big Brother"? Apparently the latest season of Celebrity Big Brother just kicked off in old Blighty last week, with rapper Coolio and Verne "Mini Me" Troyer the only names international are going to recognize. If they even bother, that is.
What really boggles the mind is the countless hordes who follow the every move of these housemates. We suppose there might be some novelty in the concept, but what sad, twisted loon spends a perfectly good minute of his or her life watching his fellow man eat peanut butter or scratch his gonads over the Internet?
For the rest of us, we're simply going to have to deal with the drivel that gets broadcast on local television. If satellite slowly grinds away at your intelligence, then free-to-air siphons it away with a hose.
Sure, we know free-to-air television is definitely going to be a lesson in imperfection with the requisite budget constraints, but frankly, the stuff on local television simply is atrocious.
The period dramas are sometimes all right, especially those produced in Hong Kong, but the endless late-night chat shows delving into love, sex, betrayal and the classic case of "my parents-in-law are spoiling my child and my husband is dating a high school student" just add insult to injury. What about the bloke expounding on the need for steadfast Confucian moral values? Isn't he the fella from some other variety show? Should we be taking him seriously or not? Do you?
Don't even get us started on the home shopping networks °?- the scourge of couch potatoes around the world. Can't sleep after dark? Single, lonely and desperate? Well, maybe you need one of these exercise machines that these somewhat attractive models use. Or how about a no-brand mobile phone that is really much better than anything Apple, Nokia or RIM have ever put together, but at a fraction of a price? How could we possibly say no?
We hope we have shown you why now, more than ever, you really need to go out more, you need to forget this cesspit of a future we wade through, and live every day like the last. Because there is a chamber of hell we want to avoid, the one that shows nothing but reality TV and "Friends" all day long, and we don't want to wind up there before our time has even come.
Such uncalled-for pessimism, some of you holler from the back, but, dear reader, surely the warning signs have been clear. This is the year when we must seek shelter from the results of soiled trousers hitting the proverbial fan, leaving each and every one of us smothered in their dirty contents.
We are hardly indulging in needless fear-mongering, our friends, but rather setting the tone in anticipation for the dissolution of our very souls. You see, if it is not the credit crunch that pulverizes our hapless bodies, it's the banality of everyday life that saps the spirit as we attempt to muster some sort of defense in the face of impending adversity. We are losing a battle of hearts and minds, and being ground into empty shells of human beings.
One of the biggest culprits when living in this city is the quality, or rather the lack thereof, of television we have to deal with. If you are one of the naughty lads with a cheeky metal dish pointed out your window, which we may assume is not used to eavesdrop on the amorous activities of your upstairs neighbors, then we suppose you thrive in a world more privileged than we do.
We occasionally get to indulge in such a world of high-budget programming, where our minds get filed away by the relentless assault of reality television. Hands up if any of you have seen an episode of "The Hills." Now go jump in a lake. Seriously, we don't get it, this is a show about nobodies doing absolutely nothing of note, yet the entertainment paps are all over them. What adds insult to injury is how these clowns have invaded more mainstream programs like Letterman, as if we are actually meant to give two tugs of a dead dog's tongue.
And how about the da ge of all reality shows, the one that actually got these banality going "Big Brother"? Apparently the latest season of Celebrity Big Brother just kicked off in old Blighty last week, with rapper Coolio and Verne "Mini Me" Troyer the only names international are going to recognize. If they even bother, that is.
What really boggles the mind is the countless hordes who follow the every move of these housemates. We suppose there might be some novelty in the concept, but what sad, twisted loon spends a perfectly good minute of his or her life watching his fellow man eat peanut butter or scratch his gonads over the Internet?
For the rest of us, we're simply going to have to deal with the drivel that gets broadcast on local television. If satellite slowly grinds away at your intelligence, then free-to-air siphons it away with a hose.
Sure, we know free-to-air television is definitely going to be a lesson in imperfection with the requisite budget constraints, but frankly, the stuff on local television simply is atrocious.
The period dramas are sometimes all right, especially those produced in Hong Kong, but the endless late-night chat shows delving into love, sex, betrayal and the classic case of "my parents-in-law are spoiling my child and my husband is dating a high school student" just add insult to injury. What about the bloke expounding on the need for steadfast Confucian moral values? Isn't he the fella from some other variety show? Should we be taking him seriously or not? Do you?
Don't even get us started on the home shopping networks °?- the scourge of couch potatoes around the world. Can't sleep after dark? Single, lonely and desperate? Well, maybe you need one of these exercise machines that these somewhat attractive models use. Or how about a no-brand mobile phone that is really much better than anything Apple, Nokia or RIM have ever put together, but at a fraction of a price? How could we possibly say no?
We hope we have shown you why now, more than ever, you really need to go out more, you need to forget this cesspit of a future we wade through, and live every day like the last. Because there is a chamber of hell we want to avoid, the one that shows nothing but reality TV and "Friends" all day long, and we don't want to wind up there before our time has even come.
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