Though Chinese traditionally love big families, there’s no stampede to expand the nursery now that most urban couples can have two children. Zhang Qian explores the reasons.

Attending various get-togethers as a family of three filled 34-year-old Albert Cai’s schedule for New Year’s, as always. But this time, apart from general greetings and compliments on his four-year-old daughter’s dresses and talents, more friends and relatives asked whether they would have a second child. After all, they meet the requirements to have one more legally.

“Most of the family elders are excited about the possibility and encouraged us to have a second child, preferably a boy. Some colleagues and friends my age were very hesitant,” says Cai, a Shanghai branch manager of a state-owned bank. He and his wife are unsure.

A big family with many children, boys and girls, used to be the ideal of a happy family, in terms of traditional Chinese values. However, most Chinese families gave up that dream and had only one child since the family planning policy was promoted in the 1970s and established as state policy in 1982. It limited most urban couples to have one child. The aim was to control exploding population growth and it succeeded.

But now, whether to have a second is again up for discussion.

Shaoxing in Zhejiang Province was the first city in the country to relax the policy at the end of 1989, when the local family planning committee allowed urban couples in which both parents were only children (shuang du 双独) to have a second child, without paying a punitive fine. Now, a second child is permitted if only one parent is a single child, as many people are today.

The new national policy went into effect on January 1 but various cities will decide when to implement it.

It is estimated that around 20 million families are now eligible to have a second child. They are often referred to as dan du (单独) families, literally single, only-child family.

However, not every family who meets the requirements wants to have a second child, including Cai. The financial burden, the cost and effort are the reasons. Rearing one child is already very expensive.

Jack Lin became a father eight months ago; his wife bore a son. The 28-year-old airline employee is adamant about having only one child, though both he and his wife are only children.

“The policy may work for those who can afford two children, but not us,” says Lin.

With a monthly total income of around 8,000 yuan (US$1,322), Cai’s family finds that raising one child is already costly. They hired a yue sao (literally “month sister-in-law” 月嫂) to take care of the new mother and baby for the first month. It cost almost an entire month’s salary and they could not keep her on.

Diapers, milk powder, baby food and all necessities add up to 1,500-2,000 yuan a month, a fixed cost. And that’s just the beginning. Costly kindergarten, school and extracurricular classes have yet to come, and they will be ongoing expenses for many years.

An investigation in 2005 by sociologist Xu Anqi of the Shanghai Academy of Social Sciences shocked many people with the conclusion that raising a child to the age of 16 in a big city is likely to cost an average 250,000 yuan. That climbs to 490,000 yuan when college costs are considered. And that was in 2005.

Though many people disputed her findings as too high, no one disputes that raising a child is expensive.

An online survey on the willingness of “single only-child family” to have a second child was carried out in November by People’s Daily and www.people.com.cn. Participants totaled 6,729 and ranged in age from 20 to 40 and older.

The result showed that 50.73 percent of participants were willing to have a second child, while 33.46 percent don’t want one and 15.81 percent said they would wait and see.

Of those who don’t want a second child, 56.16 percent said the major reason was the high financial cost, while 16.64 percent said it was “too tiring,” 9.02 percent were “too busy with work,” and the rest cited other reasons.

“Everybody is talking about the high cost of raising a child. I’m not sure how much it will eventually cost, but I want to give my boy the best within my reach,” says Lin, “I can manage it for one, but not for two.”

Though raising two children would not be too much of a financial burden for bank manager Cai, since the total monthly income is around 40,000 yuan a month, they still hesitate to have a second child. Cai’s 33-year-old wife, Ellen Young, works in human resources at a foreign-invested company.

“Giving birth is not simply about giving life, but taking the responsibility to cultivate the children into good, healthy and productive people,” say Cai. “It’s not just about money, but also effort and time.”

Child-rearing takes much more time and effort than it did a few decades ago. Planning a child’s life starts during pregnancy, or before. The aim is to nurture an academically excellent, talented child who goes on to achieve a good position.

Parents need to research the best and safest milk powder (imported, of course) and the safest foods.

They need to determine the best kindergartens and schools, and go to great lengths to get their child enrolled, even if it means moving near the school and giving gifts.

To keep their only children safe, parents can’t let them out of their sight, lest there be an accident.

There’s not much leisure time, since they must take their children to various academic and enrichment classes after school and on weekends and holidays, both to develop their talent and to earn points for school and college admissions.

And, of course, there are clothes, toys, books and many other things.

Though Cai’s and his wife’s parents take turns looking after their daughter while they work, Cai isn’t sure whether they can do the same for a second child. The grandparents are already in their 60s.

James Fang, a 35-year-old bank manger with a three-year-old boy, is also reluctant to have a second child that could disrupt the life he just regained.

“Patting, feeding and changing diapers at midnight — I don’t want to go through that again,” he says.

It’s not only exhausting, it also means cutting back on family spending on a better car, travel and maybe moving to a bigger house.

And for 28-year-old Diana Xu, having a second child means less intimacy with her two-year-old son.

“I couldn’t help devoting more time to the younger child, which would be unfair to the older one,” she says. “A boy his age wants a companion to play with him, like mommy, rather than a real brother who would share mummy’s love and care.”

More than 30 years of family planning and massive social changes have altered parenting concepts, from being relaxed to being hands-on, even hovering, according to sociologist Gu Xiaoming.

Parenting used to be cu yang, meaning extensive raising (cu literally means rough), leading to a casual approach. Now it’s jing yang, meaning intensive raising with more effort and care.

“Parents will not casually have a second child without pondering all the pros and cons,” says Gu. “After all, there hasn’t been much in the way of incentives from the government since it announced it was relaxing the one-child policy in an effort to balance the population.”

He says many families who meet the requirements may still wait until there are policy and financial incentives, such as making it easier to pay for schooling and medical care.

Some say yes, some say no

  Rainbow Zhao 

29, a shipping company employee, to be married in the fall

“Of course, two children would be ideal, but I will just have one because of financial limitations. I don’t want to see my child lead a life much poorer than others. In this case, I can go with just one.”

  Bu Weiming 

37, department manager of a state-owned bank, with a five-year-old boy

“I have finally gotten through the sleepless nights when I had to be alert to the baby crying. My wife and I quarreled a lot about whose responsibility it was to do what. I don’t want to go through that experience all over again.

  Jessica Wang 

29, single, president’s secretary at a foreign-invested company

“I love children, and I want to have three children in my dream family — two older boys and a little princess. I would be willing to pay a fine for the third child. But since I am approaching 30 and I’m still single, I might need to adopt the third child, rather than give birth to her myself.”

  Jeff He 

33, manager at a business consultancy, married without children

“I don’t want to have children at all. Our life so far is good — dining out three times a week, traveling overseas once a year — but if we had a child, the quality of life would definitely decline. Raising a child requires not only time and money, but more important, responsibility. If I cannot do it the best way, I’d rather not do it.”

  Jessie Chen 

32, HR specialist at a state-owned company, with a five-year-old boy

“I already have a boy, and I just want to have a girl to fulfill my dream of decorating her as a little princess.”

  Cindy Li 

34, department manager of a foreign-invested company, with a five-year-old girl and a three-year-old boy

“I think an ideal family should have at least two children so that they can play with each other, and learn how to share and communicate with others.”

  Helen Hu 

27, a bank employee, four months pregnant

“I will have two children, ideally a boy and a girl. Since we are allowed to, why not?”

  Alex Geng 

34, manager at a foreign-invested company with a four-year-old girl

“I am not that crazy about having a second child. But if my friends are all having their second babies, I may consider it as well.”

  Sara Chen 

33, secretary to chairman at a hotel, with a three-month boy

“I would like to have a girl, but what if it is a boy again? I don’t think I can handle two boys dashing around in my apartment.”

  Diana Xu 

28, employee at a foreign-invested bank, with a two-year-old boy

“One child is enough for me. I can give him everything I can afford.”