WHILE some mothers try to find summer playmates for lonely children, others prep their children for primary school study. They're among an increasing number of moms in Shanghai who quit work to tutor and coach. Sophie Wang reports.

Many Chinese women quit their jobs and abandon their careers and dreams to nurture their children, especially to coach them and spoon-feed them knowledge they will need to enter primary school in the fall.

The mother who sacrifices herself for her child's welfare is an icon in China and today, as school and society become more competitive, quite a few mothers devote themselves single-mindedly to their child's advancement in kindergarten and primary school. They tend to return to the workforce later, but in terms of career, they have lost ground and usually fallen behind.

This summer Irene Wu quit her job, saying, "I decided to feed my boy the knowledge he will need to enter primary school in the fall."

"My son doesn't listen to his grandparents (who are now taking care of him in the day time when I'm at work). And if I'm working, then he cannot develop a good attitude toward study," Wu says. "Of course, this is not an easy decision. Competition in society is ferocious and there's no guarantee I could later return to my professional position."

Still, Wu thinks it's worthwhile. "I have only one child and I don't want to regret not helping him at a critical moment in his life. This is the sacrifice of a mother."

Some stay-at-home moms obsessively post daily diaries of their children's activities and achievements, in effect, patting themselves on the back.

Quite a few children at the top of their kindergarten class have mothers who stay at home and do virtually nothing but assist their child, enroll him and her in special activities and plan his or her future.

"I have my own requirements for my child," says Sophie Shen whose daughter is in a bilingual kindergarten.

"I want her to study at the top primary schools in Shanghai. How? To take the various entrance examinations at these schools. There is no secret, the more a child learns, the more the possibility of success."

Two years ago Shen, quit her job in a company, though she was the head of her division. "For me, the future of my child counts more than my job."

Shen schedules every minute of her daughter's time and decides what time to learn English, what time to learn dancing and singing. "Today this is an elite society and I want to provide possibilities to her."

But though they feel pressure, many mothers hesitate to abandon their career to try to get their toddler into a good primary school.

"This is a hard choice, since no one can guarantee the future of a child," says Wei Wei, an editor in her 30s. "I didn't come into this world to live for my child. Maybe I am too selfish compared with other selfless mothers. Is this (quitting work) the only option for my child? Are we too narrow-minded? I don't know. The world is too big and nothing is under our control."

One reason mothers are quitting work is to help their children meet additional primary school requirements that they themselves never faced. They worry that their playful children will not easily become well-behaved, focused students.

Many top urban primary schools these days assume that children have already absorbed some basic knowledge, such as 500 Chinese characters, pinyin, some basic English sentences and addition and subtraction up to 20.

Many kindergartens don't teach those subjects, as it is banned by the educational authority to relieve the academic burden on the kids.

"I can only describe the education system in China as insane," says Simon Xu, father of a 6-year-old boy, referring to the gap.

"Usually the top class of kindergartens don't teach kids too many things, yet before entering primary school, it's assumed kids have grasped some basic knowledge ... What can parents do? If I want to save my time and energy, I just send him to study at training classes outside kindergarten. If I want to save my money, then I just teach him at home."

Wei Jinjin, mother of a primary school student-to-be, says she advocates so-called "happy education" and doesn't burden her child with studies. "She is just age 5, how could she learn so much at her age?"

Education gap

Wei says she is unaware that many primary school require more than is taught in kindergarten. "I thought it was just for top primary schools, but if every child has to learn more, then I may have to hurry up and teach her myself. I don't want her to lack confidence in class."

The calls to relieve the schoolwork burden never end. So public kindergarten is the first place where the burden can be lightened. As a result of the outcry from parents, all training classes in kindergarten, including English, have been canceled.

During the first month at the beginning of the ordinary public primary school, the teach covers the basic knowledge a child is assumed to have. For those who didn't learn it, it's impossible to keep pace.

Children are required to master writing short Chinese sentences like "kai xue le" (meaning "School starts") and reciting short English sentences like "Stand up, please" without teaching them pinyin or English alphabets, both believed basics of the two languages.

As a way out, children have to remember the Chinese characters and English words as pictures and therefore are slow at homework, many parents complain.

"If a student is one step behind at the beginning, then the student and parents are regarded as those that hinder the whole class and that feeling is bad for a child," Simon Xu says.

"I can't understand the reform of the education system in China since it transfers more responsibility to parents. I'm very busy at work, yet I need to squeeze out some time to check the Internet and find out how and what to teach my kid."

Psychologists agree that the first years a mother spends with her child are critical for the child's development.

"The role of a mother can never be replaced by others. Her smile, her scent, her sound are all familiar to the child, who has spent nine months in her womb," says Feng Yalan, the psychological consultant at East China Normal University.

She suggests that mothers who return to work after a few years' child rearing should go easy on themselves.

"She shouldn't be too nervous if she cannot immediately balance home life and career and she shouldn't put too many pressures on her shoulders."

Li Siwen, a 35-year-old former professional at a public relations firm, stayed home for a year to help her child make the transition to primary school. Now she is about to return to work.

"There are two reasons. One is the family's financial needs and the other is my fear that I may not keep pace with society. The risk is too high if my husband is the only bread-winner. What if he lost his job or got sick?"

She adds that staying at home made her feel somewhat out of touch with the mainstream since her social network is work-related. All her friends and colleagues are working.

"I missed the atmosphere at the office very much because I could communicate with my colleagues about what was happening at work and in society.

Helen Yu, a human resources manager at an international company, says it's better for a stay-at-home mom to take a relatively short break and return to work as quickly as possible.

"Otherwise, they have no advantage compared with their peers. New information, new technology and new techniques are emerging one after another. We prefer to hire staff that is always on the career track."