The witnessing mind:a challenging journey toward mindfulness
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The cold sore on my lip stings. My right shoulder hurts, and my belly is bloated. What else? I鈥檓 overwhelmed, panicking about work and fretting over the number of dead or dying plants in my apartment. Speaking of which, I鈥檓 behind on rent. I鈥檓 dreading 鈥渢hat conversation鈥 and looking forward to wine despite it being 11:35am. Welcome to my present moment. Semi-present because I鈥檓 full of flu and high on cold medication. I鈥檓 not altogether here. And frankly, who鈥檇 want to be?
Research says mindfulness helps manage anxiety, depression and stress. We develop greater self-awareness and emotional regulation by learning to be present. It鈥檚 about paying attention to our thoughts, feelings and environment without judgment or distraction. That sounds simple but mindfulness can be incredibly challenging. Our brains race with thoughts and worries, and even when they stop, we get confronted with uncomfortable emotions or memories we鈥檇 sooner forget, all of which I experienced at a mindfulness workshop in Shanghai.
Afterward, I spoke with co-facilitators Hu Bojun, psychologist at United Family Healthcare, and Karli Rowland, counselor at Community Center Shanghai, about overcoming some challenges of the here and now.
I didn鈥檛 expect to be emotionally triggered during the workshop ...
Karli: It鈥檚 hard when emotions and thoughts surprise us or aren鈥檛 what we want to experience.
Bojun: Mindfulness itself isn鈥檛 unpleasant. It doesn鈥檛 have content. It is simply awareness. Mindfulness is about learning to witness emotions and thoughts rather than identify with them.
But if I don鈥檛 identify with my thoughts, feelings or experiences, what am I?
Bojun: From a psychological standpoint, we are the summation of our thoughts and feelings.
Karli: Thoughts and feelings contribute to experiences, and experiences shape who we are. But you wouldn鈥檛 believe everything someone told you. It鈥檚 also unhelpful to believe everything we think or feel. Awareness helps us understand the 鈥榤e鈥 versus the mind.
Bojun: When we notice the mind, we see not only how transient thoughts and feelings are, but also our choice points. That gives us agency over our actions.
I didn鈥檛 have agency over the critical voice in my head ...
Bojun: We all have critical voices, and we apply them to mindfulness like anything else. Perhaps because we want to be better?
Karli: Yes, it鈥檚 natural to want to be good at something. Being mindful is a step toward that, by practicing and recognizing it won鈥檛 always go a particular way.
Bojun: It helps to approach our critical voice like a leaf floating on a stream or a cloud in the sky; mindfulness is about watching things pass without judgment.
That sounds relaxing. So why am I exhausted?
Karli: You give an overactive brain a moment to escape, and it鈥檒l take it. But we鈥檙e not used to slowing down. Over time mindfulness can invigorate more than it tires.
Bojun: We function on autopilot, and tiredness can be a realization during mindfulness rather than a product of it. Practicing gives us the choice to enter a different state. If I鈥檓 tired and mindful of it, I can rest. Fatigue can also come from wanting to perfect mindfulness and feeling frustrated because we can鈥檛.
Yes, the want to 鈥済et it right鈥 was another challenge.
Karli: When you鈥檙e aware of thoughts as a lens rather than a set of facts, you鈥檙e being mindful.
Bojun: Precisely. Mindfulness is just an opportunity to focus without judgment. There is no right or wrong, only a continuous return. There is nothing to perfect, and everything to witness.
And there鈥檚 that word again, 鈥渨itness.鈥 Humans have a need to control and perfect the world around us and the experiences within us. Mindfulness requires putting instinct aside and observing the moment rather than attaching ourselves to it. That鈥檚 a big ask. We live in a culture that values productivity and achievement over presence and connection. We feel pressured to be doing or achieving rather than simply being. Which 鈥 when you stop to think 鈥 is silly. Because what isn鈥檛 creative or constructive about being present? I dread to count the hours lost to the past and future that miss or misshape whatever鈥檚 happening now. But despite its challenges, there are many ways to be mindful. And most have nothing to do with meditating on mountaintops:
Karli: Mindfulness takes many forms, from dance to gardening. A curious approach will help us find practices that suit.
Bojun: We all want to handle stress better and feel freer. Freedom isn鈥檛 just the ability to go somewhere. It鈥檚 the ability to make choices. Mindfulness creates that.
The decision to practice mindfulness is a personal one. But everyone benefits from awareness and empowerment, from choosing actions and reactions rather than being piloted through life or operated by unhelpful thoughts and feelings. The present is rarely easy, but it鈥檚 where life is lived. And if we鈥檙e willing to be in the moment, a pleasantly uncomfortable experience awaits. I鈥檓 here (for now), and I hope to see you soon.
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