THE recent shocking case of a 13-year-old girl in Wuhan trying to commit suicide to prevent her mother from having a second child has once again drawn attention to China’s single-child mentality.

The woman, 44, was pregnant for 13 weeks. Her daughter became unhappy upon learning that she was going to have a sibling. Her anxiety reached its peak when the ninth-grader cut her wrists with a razor blade in an attempted suicide, according to a report on the Wuhan Evening News earlier this week.

The mother finally gave in and got an abortion.

The case is extreme, but the girl’s jealousy of a younger sibling is not rare.

China adopted the one-child policy in the 1980s to stem population growth. But the decrease in the labor force and the increasing aging population have prompted a loosening of the policy in recent years. The first change allowed a second child if both the husband and wife themselves were only children. Then last year the policy was further relaxed to allow a second child if even one member of the couple is a single child.

But there is a problem: According to a report from the National Health and Family Planning Commission on January 12, although an estimated 11 million couples are eligible, only about 1 million filed applications to have a second child by the end of last year.

“Economic cost,” “time cost” and “one child is enough” were listed as top reasons for not having a second child, according to a survey by the China Youth Daily.

Many parents also express concern for their first child, the “little emperors” and “little princesses,” who have grown up under a one-child policy. With no siblings, these kids are depicted as self-centered, with no consideration for others or a willingness to share.

Journalist Fang Qingjiang said in an editorial for the Beijing Morning Post that the mother’s abortion should not be the end of the story for the young Wuhan girl who attempted to take her own life.

“The problem was not solved in this way,” he wrote. “Parents should learn to teach their children to be loving, so as to expect the younger brothers and sisters with joy in their heart.”

Kevin Leman, an American psychologist and bestselling author, previously pointed out in his “The Birth Order Book” series that “it is natural for everyone to obtain more care and more focus. It is the basic instinct of a kid to try all the ways to protect his vested interest. The older child of a family always receives the special treatment at the beginning.”

Feng Yalan, a Shanghai psychological consultant, agrees.

“I don’t think the 13-year-old girl is abnormal,” she says. “In fact, her psychological movement is quite normal, but her actions go to extremes.”

When a second child is born, the older sibling will act in different ways. Some rebel to regain the focus from the parents. Others compromise and care for their little sister or brother to gain the love of their parents.

Feng points out that a family really needs to prepare for the coming of the second child both physically and emotionally. But such preparation in the eyes of many Chinese parents relates only to the material side.

“When I was pregnant again, the first thing that came to my mind was whether I could raise a second child and give him a good living environment and education,” says Zhang Deyi, who has a 12-year-old daughter and a 4-year-old daughter. “I discussed with my husband whether we could afford to have another child. I remember it came rather late for me to think of the feelings of my older daughter. But she seemed happy to accept another young sister.”

But Xie Yiwan, who has two sons — 10 and 3 — received a strong negative voice from her older son when she told him that he would have a younger brother.

“He yelled and cried, begging me not to have another child,” Xie says. “But he is not the real person to decide whether the family could have a second child, right? I started to read some psychology books to decipher what the boy was really thinking about.”

Xie reveals that after reading these books, she gradually understood her son’s feelings.

“I told him that our love toward him would never change and could never be taken away by another child,” she says. “Later I explained to him the advantage of having a younger brother; they could play with each other and care for each other.”

Learn to share and tolerate

Xie says that the loneliness of just one child is the main reason to have another child, and this is the view of many other Chinese parents.

“This is 100 percent true,” says psychologist Feng, “The child who grows up with his brother or sister will learn how to share and how to tolerate.”

But many young parents never had a sibling, and they have no idea how to balance the relationship between two children.

“I am the only child in my family, and I never had problems in sharing because I didn’t have to share,” says Wang Qing, mother of a daughter, 6, and a son, 3. “I lack the experience in balancing such kinship relationship.

“So when the two kids are fighting or quarreling, they come to me for backup. Is it right to leave them alone to settle the disputes or do I have to act as a judge? I really have no idea,” she says. “Sometimes I am worried, because now they may fight for toys, but what if they fight for the parents’ money and apartments in the future? Today there are too many legal cases between brothers and sisters.”

Even some children echo that sentiment. Xu Wenwen, a 12-year-old boy, says: “I don’t want to have a younger brother or sister, as he or she will take away my properties from the parents.”

But it’s other factors that daunt many Chinese parents who are eligible to have a second child.

“The longer I’m in the role of a father, the less confidence I have,” says Peter Fu, a father of a 10-year-old son. “I found that I must be a superman to deal with him. If I have a second child, then the way to teaching the older child and the younger one is different. I am a serious person, and I will read many books and materials to get myself qualified. But how could I have more time and energy? One child is enough!”