IT had never occurred to 58-year-old Liu Xiumei that it would be such an exhausting task when she confidently promised to take care of her grandson when her daughter became pregnant again.

She believes that it is a natural gesture of a Chinese mother to support her daughter and son-in-law.

Yet Liu gradually found it tough going as the child grew older and was eager to explore the world around him.

“The boy at two is so energetic. Without the help of my husband, I might only be able to handle him for about 20 minutes before I’d be exhausted,” says Liu.

Though her daughter suggested hiring a nanny for the job, Liu still insists on taking care of the boy.

“I cannot leave my grandson with a stranger. Who knows how he will be treated and what he will be fed,” says Liu, “I would rather be exhausted than expose my grandson to any risks.”

She is now much looking forward to the next September when the boy will be enrolled kindergarten, so that her burden will be much relieved.

Liu is just one of the many Shanghai grandmothers trying to juggle their capabilities with their “responsibilities.”

Grandmothers are now playing an increasingly important role in the Shanghai children’s early life.

With insufficient numbers of nurseries available, grandparents seem to be the only reliable helpers for working parents of young children, though some may not be altogether willing to help.

Almost all — some 99 percent — grandparents in Shanghai families participate in child rearing, according to a research report released by the Shanghai Scientific Child Rearing Base this month.

This research was conducted in 2013 on 800 local families with children aged up to 3 in Hongkou District.

The report also suggested that almost 74 percent of grandparents play the leading roles in parenting instead of parents, compared to less than 24 percent in 2002.

The traditional Chinese value of having a child to carry on the family name makes many Chinese grandparents feel obliged to offer to help raise their grandchildren, according to Professor Zhang Haidong with the Sociology and Political Science School of Shanghai University.

“Though it should be the responsibility of the parents to take care of their children, many of them cannot manage to accomplish the job all by themselves for they have to spend much time and effort making a living in this competitive city,” says Zhang.

“Therefore, retired grandparents who have the time, parenting experience and love for their grandchildren take the position instead.”

Remembering sending her own daughter to a nursery where she was ill-treated, 61-year-old Wang Ling vowed that she would be there whenever her daughter and grandson needed.

Though her daughter hired a full-time nanny, Wang and other relatives take turns to be with the baby when her daughter and son-in-law are at work.

“I believe that there are always something that I can do better than the nanny, such as teaching the baby to talk, paint and behave properly,” says Wang.

“You cannot leave all that to the nanny who takes keeping the baby physically fit as the top task.”

As a former career woman herself, Wang understands her daughter choosing to return to work when her maternity leave finished.

“Mothers want to be with her baby, but they also have to work to support their family,” says Wang.

With no help 30 years ago, Wang had no choice but to send her 18-month-old daughter to a nearby small nursery where the child was treated badly.

“My parents were unable to offer much help to me, as it would have been be unfair if they chose me over my brothers and sisters. But I can do this without feeling guilty since my daughter is an only child and, so far, I have only one grandchild,” says Wang,

And of course helping raise the child brings great pleasure too, she added, outweighing the exhaustion of looking after an inquisitive little one.

“I’m benefiting from having all these lovely moments with my grandson and feeling the continuation of life.”

Despite criticisms of the effects of grandparenting, no direct link has been made between the practice and how a child turns out, according to Professor Zhu Jiaxiong, with the Preschool and Special Education School of East China Normal University.

Differences in education level, financial status, family relations and love of the child within the family plays much more important roles than whether parents or grandparents are raising the child, said Zhu.

Of course, some grandparents will spoil a child or try to bring them up in an old-fashioned way, but it is also inevitable that the love and rich life experience of most grandparents will help the children with their social development, says sociologist Zhang.

“Whether grandparenting and parenting can effectively connect and be consistent is a more valuable topic for the family rather than simply judging defects of grandparenting,” says Zhang.

However, not every grandparent is a passionate surrogate mom or dad, said Chen Caiyu, director of Shanghai Scientific Child Rearing Base.

Research conducted by the base in several districts found that 48 percent of the grandparents takes rearing the grandchildren as a “responsibility” or a “no-choice situation.”

Meanwhile, 48 percent of grandparents were unhappy with the limited time that the parents spent with the children; 47 percent felt exhausted in taking care of their grandchildren; and 27 percent admitted to disagreements with their children over how to raise their grandchildren.

With her second child set to arrive, 33-year-old Dianna Xu has hired a nanny on friends’ recommendations as both her mother and mother-in-law declined to help.

Her 61-year-old mother-in-law, who took care of the first baby, said no to Xu this time, saying she could not manage another exhausting three years at such age.

Xu’s mother, who has been taking several courses in local Elderly College, only agreed to offer occasional help due to her course commitments.

There is nothing wrong with grandparents choosing to enjoy their own retired lives rather than sacrifice themselves to their children and grandchildren, said Zhu.

“Therefore, the key problem is whether the society can provide a qualified service to help parents and liberate grandparents?” says Zhu.

So perhaps now’s the time for a revival of long-absent nurseries aimed specifically at children aged under three.