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Efficient ‘super mom’ has two kids, no regrets
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I am a working mother with two kids. Some people would call me a “super mom” for juggling the demands of a job and an enlarged family.
My husband also works full-time, and the only outside help I have is a daytime ayi. But don’t write me off as some miserable, exhausted creature with unkempt appearance and an untidy home.
To be sure, there have been exhausting moments, striving to look after my 5-year-old son and 10-month-old daughter. It’s a delicate balance with my Shanghai Daily workload. But despite travails, there are so many warm moments with my children that I never regret the decision to have a second baby.
What is needed is self-discipline and a plan of action. First things first. I want to spend time with my children, so I pared back my time on social media, went shopping only when necessary, and threw out household clutter to simplify cleaning.
People often ask me how my first-born has adjusted to life with a new sibling. There have been reports of Chinese children, who were used to being the single focus of the family, resenting the arrival of a second child.
I was careful to pave the way for my daughter’s appearance in the family. I told my son Dudu that he would soon have a younger sibling and he needed to help take care of the baby. That strategy seemed to work. He was very excited about the new birth and proud to be “responsible” after his baby sister was born.
Now he often helps me change diapers, feed his sister water and carry my “mummy” bag when we are going out together. Maybe my daughter is like “a pet” in his eyes, but I think it’s an important part of his growing up and learning to take responsibility.
My friends say Dudu appears to be more considerate and cheerful than when he was an only child.
How joyful it is to see Dudu climb into my daughter Yuanyuan’s playpen and read to her while I enjoy a cup of coffee and a moment of rest.
The two children are becoming a team, and I think that will benefit both of them.
As a “super mom,” I’ve also learned how to simplify housework with the help of modern gadgets. A powerful vacuum and a good dishwasher are time-savers.
With a well-designed carrier, I have taken the baby to coffee shops, to local bookstores for weekend lectures, to museums and even to the top of the Jinshan Mountain in Beijing to cast an eye over the Forbidden City.
A Fitbit watch encourages me to walk more steps and manage my health scientifically.
During breastfeeding, I read books via a Kindle reader or listen to audio lectures of the Chinese classic “Dream of the Red Mansions” by Taiwanese scholar Jiang Xun. There’s no doubt that China’s new generation of mothers with two kids poses challenges that our parents didn’t face under the one-child policy.
Unlike older generations of mothers who were willing to sacrifice their whole lives for their families, we new-age moms still want to work, look great and enjoy the pleasures of life. We don’t want to become Chinese damas, that genre of woman deeply influenced and bound by tradition.
During one of my recent bouts of throwing out clutter, I came across the Chinese translation of Stephen R. Covey’s best-seller “The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People.”
I bought it almost a decade ago, read it briefly and left it to collect dust on a shelf. As I thumbed anew through the book, I was amazed to discover that I have already adopted some of the seven habits, such as “putting first things first” and “thinking win-win.”
Every working mom with two children has to be highly efficient. I know several women who, after having a second baby, are out there designing boutique children clothes, teaching aerial yoga or managing a team at a multinational company.
Through WeChat, we working moms with two kids can share laughs and tears, and help one another with problems. One of our WeChat groups is called “the second baby is coming.”
I also find it important to carve out some personal time. My husband and I like to enjoy a quick swim or a chat over drinks after both children are asleep.
During a recent dinner gathering, my son kissed his baby sister and they smiled at each other silently. Our guests, mostly friends who are parents of only one child, commented on what a lovely scene it was. At moments like that, all the worries and tiredness of the past few months evaporate and I am engulfed in love.
Even as I write this, my two little ones are suffering from fevers. It’s all part of the challenge. I’m still learning…
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