Group provides support for grieving parents
Print Edition
HOLDING an empty bottle of pills, Zhang Li was found by her husband and sent to hospital. It was her third suicide attempt.
Zhang (not her real name) and her husband used to be mid-level government officials in Shijiazhuang, capital of north China’s Hebei Province. Her son had a good job in Beijing after graduating from university. Zhang’s family life was perfect. But two years ago things changed. Her son jumped to his death, and the 50-year-old mother’s world fell apart.
She requested long-term leave from work but never returned. She did not want to see anyone, not even family and friends. She and her husband moved out of their apartment. She could not sleep and the only thing she thought about was how to die.
“My son had gone. What’s the point in living?” she said.
Zhang and her husband didn’t want to open the curtains and kept the lights off in the evening. Spring Festival, the most important occasion for family gatherings in China, became the most difficult period.
“I was afraid of hearing the fireworks. Others enjoying their family reunion. All we had was complete silence,” she said.
In China, where most couples are allowed to have only one child, losing a son or daughter can mean a parent taking their own life.
Government figures show that up to 1 million families have lost their only child. The number is increasing by 76,000 every year. Heavy drinking and smoking, arguments, divorce and suicide attempts are among the problems these families face.
In Shijiazhuang’s Qiaoxi District there is a high divorce rate among families who have lost their only child. There are only 160 people in the 110 families that have lost their only child in the district — less than two members per family, according to local government figures.
Zhang and her husband are still together.
Zhang was mired in sorrow until she met Tang Jinting. They started to speak to each other, mainly about religion.
Tang is a volunteer at “Heng’aijiayuan,” which translates as “home with eternal love.”
The nongovernmental organization offers bereaved parents services such as home visits, counseling, shopping, cleaning, and care at home or in hospitals. It has helped over 300 parents who lost their only child.
Tang, a retired civil affairs worker in Shijiazhuang, said: “Learning that Zhang Li loved traditional culture, especially Buddhism, I told her that her son had entered Trayastrimsha, or Buddhist heaven.”
Zhang was encouraged to join the organization to divert attention from her son.
“She used to be an official and knows a lot about organizing events,” Tang said.
Activities
The NGO organizes activities including outings, fruit picking, chorus performances, and lectures on traditional culture. Most of the activities are held during festivals, a time when deceased children are missed the most.
According to Wang Congpin, manager of the organization, Heng’aijiayuan was founded by a psychologist surnamed Liu after visiting parents who lost their children in the Wenchuan earthquake of 2008.
Last month, Vice Minister of Civil Affairs Gong Puguang visited Heng’aijiayuan, encouraging the province to support the development of social services and voluntary groups.
Liu Weidong, deputy secretary-general of the Hebei social work promotion association, said the provincial government this year earmarked 1.5 million yuan (US$242,000) for support NGO services for parents who have lost their only child.
But difficulties remain, Liu said.
Some parents become ill following the death of their child, with little pension provision to cover their own medical expenses, he said.
More should be done to help such parents, such as providing accident insurance to cover medical costs and funeral expenses, he said.
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