Parents take cue from emperors to find partners for their children
Print Edition
IN times gone by, emperors went to the Temple of Heaven in Beijing to pray for a bumper harvest. These days, parents go there to seek help in finding a partner for their children.
On a bitterly cold morning earlier this month, one concerned mother bent down to place a handwritten advert on the path in a corner of Tiantan (Temple of Heaven) Park.
Her advert, which is about seeking a wife for her 45-year-old son, is among hundreds of pieces of paper placed on the stone path.
At the matchmaking corner, parents swap phone numbers and make date arrangements.
Parents have been coming to this area of Tiantan for over a decade.
“Man, 45, state-owned enterprise employee, Renmin University graduate, seeks woman born in Beijing (should not be fat). Apartment-owner preferred,” reads the advert.
An elderly woman showed some interest. “Where is your daughter from?” the mother who placed the advert inquired. “Weihai,” the other one answered. Weihai is a small coastal city in east China’s Shandong Province. “We want a Beijing girl,” the man’s mother replied.
“Young Beijing native” is the top attribute for her prospective daughter-in-law.
“I believe that two families of similar backgrounds can get along well with each other. Also, most Beijing women have an apartment,” she said.
She has found several girlfriends for her son, but the relationships did not last long.
In a culture that places great value on family, Chinese parents are often deeply involved in their children’s marriages.
China had around 180 million single adults of marriageable age in 2013. According to the Ministry of Civil Affairs, marriages fell in 2015, down 6.3 percent from 2014.
The decline and delay of marriage has alarmed some parents, who fear their family lineage will be broken or that there will be no one looking after their children when they pass away.
“I don’t believe in online dating or matchmaking TV shows. The matchmaking corner in parks is created by ourselves and is more reliable. At least we can see the parents first. Through them, we know whether their children are good or not,” said the mother, who asked not to be identified.
Encouraged to come
Although the odds for a successful match do not look good, “coming to the park is better than waiting at home,” said a mother surnamed Chen, who was looking for a potential suitor for her daughter.
“One of my daughter’s classmates found his Miss Right through this matchmaking corner, so she encouraged me to come here,” Chen said.
But not all unwed children support such involvement in their relationships.
Miss Cao, an investment firm employee, wants to focus on her career and does not see marriage or motherhood in her immediate future.
“I feel like I would lose face if my parents had to find me a partner,” said Cao, 30.
“I do feel embarrassed being a single woman. But I don’t want to compromise just to get married,” Cao said.
In the past, people like Cao’s parents had lower expectations about marriage.
Many of them would be happy with a bed, a dining table, a wardrobe and a thermos.
Today, however, single people want their partner to have an apartment, a car, and similar life values.
“But if I fell head over heels in love, I would give up all these material requirements in an instant,” she said.
Yin Xiaojun, associate researcher with Shaanxi Provincial Academy of Social Sciences, said the soaring cost of marriage, along with the pressures of career and life itself, a limited social circle and changing attitudes meant more people prefer to stay single.
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