Children seeking 'lost' parents may be disappointed
By Tseng Tan |
July 4, 2013, Thursday
|
Print Edition
Print Edition
A TEAR moistened my eye as I read an article penned by a 19-year-old intern at a local tabloid on finding her dad (who had divorced her mum when she was too young to know him) on this Father's Day (June 16).
It was her hope of knowing who he was and why he had not attempted to make contact with her all these years. Her desire to do so is laudable and understandable, but what would happen after the first initial contact?
Hopes of better days to come may be doused by unpredicted outcomes, from social contacts and linkages. Already her single mother had expressed unhappiness regarding her overture to find her dad, who was described as an alcoholic.
Bonny Hicks case
In the 1990s, Bonny Hicks, a well-known Eurasian model in Singapore, wrote a book, "Excuse Me, Are You a Model?"
She was born of a liaison between a British soldier and a local Chinese bar girl (no slight intended). Using the British embassy in Singapore, she managed to locate her British father. But he refused to meet up with her. How sad. I believe it could be that he did not want a past chapter of his life to be re-opened.
In Bonny Hicks case, it was more difficult to hide her ancestry as she had European features. She died in a Silk Air crash over Palembang, Indonesia, some years ago. She had penned an article before that horrific crash, and it was published posthumously and titled "Heaven Can Wait."
Tiger year
My late mother, born in 1920s, was adopted by a single woman before World War II. She told me that she vaguely remembered her father's visit when she was a child, then living in Bagan, a small town in Johore, West Malaysia.
In 1960s, my parents had a provision shops in the rural area of mainly Malay residents. One day a Malay visitor was visiting some relatives in that kampong, or village. My mother struck up a conversation with him and discovered that he was from Bagan, the town where she had been brought up.
She asked this man whether he knew of a Lee Tua Tow, her father's name. The young Malay man told her that his father frequently went hunting wild boars with the senior Mr Lee in the old days.
When the young man went home, he must have passed on this new information to my mother's natural father, as the following week we had visitors from Johore.
Her father and my mother's sisters visited us and I was happy for her. At last, I also had more relatives. A year or two later, she was invited to Johore to attend the wedding of her youngest brother. This was her first trip to Malaysia.
On the way along the Causeway, mother was asked to throw out from the car window a piece of meat ? supposedly a ritual to prevent misfortune to her welcoming family ? as she was born in the year of the tiger. That was the reason for giving her away.
Symbolic ritual
This seemingly symbolic ritual must have played many times in her mind. Sometime later my mother's adopted mother died. She was the one who brought up my mother single-handed. Then my mother had a growth in her wrist, which was later to prove non-malignant.
She then decided not to have anything to do with the family across the Johore Causeway, a bridge linking Singapore to West Malaysia. There went my aspirations regarding having more relatives in Johore and up to Malacca.
All these events are the result of an ancient superstition and interpretation based on time of birth ? that those born in the year of the tiger on the Chinese lunar calendar can cause calamity to the family. It resulted in changes to the lives of countless Chinese-born babies, not only in China through the ages but also those born elsewhere.
The author is a senior HR consultant in Singapore.
It was her hope of knowing who he was and why he had not attempted to make contact with her all these years. Her desire to do so is laudable and understandable, but what would happen after the first initial contact?
Hopes of better days to come may be doused by unpredicted outcomes, from social contacts and linkages. Already her single mother had expressed unhappiness regarding her overture to find her dad, who was described as an alcoholic.
Bonny Hicks case
In the 1990s, Bonny Hicks, a well-known Eurasian model in Singapore, wrote a book, "Excuse Me, Are You a Model?"
She was born of a liaison between a British soldier and a local Chinese bar girl (no slight intended). Using the British embassy in Singapore, she managed to locate her British father. But he refused to meet up with her. How sad. I believe it could be that he did not want a past chapter of his life to be re-opened.
In Bonny Hicks case, it was more difficult to hide her ancestry as she had European features. She died in a Silk Air crash over Palembang, Indonesia, some years ago. She had penned an article before that horrific crash, and it was published posthumously and titled "Heaven Can Wait."
Tiger year
My late mother, born in 1920s, was adopted by a single woman before World War II. She told me that she vaguely remembered her father's visit when she was a child, then living in Bagan, a small town in Johore, West Malaysia.
In 1960s, my parents had a provision shops in the rural area of mainly Malay residents. One day a Malay visitor was visiting some relatives in that kampong, or village. My mother struck up a conversation with him and discovered that he was from Bagan, the town where she had been brought up.
She asked this man whether he knew of a Lee Tua Tow, her father's name. The young Malay man told her that his father frequently went hunting wild boars with the senior Mr Lee in the old days.
When the young man went home, he must have passed on this new information to my mother's natural father, as the following week we had visitors from Johore.
Her father and my mother's sisters visited us and I was happy for her. At last, I also had more relatives. A year or two later, she was invited to Johore to attend the wedding of her youngest brother. This was her first trip to Malaysia.
On the way along the Causeway, mother was asked to throw out from the car window a piece of meat ? supposedly a ritual to prevent misfortune to her welcoming family ? as she was born in the year of the tiger. That was the reason for giving her away.
Symbolic ritual
This seemingly symbolic ritual must have played many times in her mind. Sometime later my mother's adopted mother died. She was the one who brought up my mother single-handed. Then my mother had a growth in her wrist, which was later to prove non-malignant.
She then decided not to have anything to do with the family across the Johore Causeway, a bridge linking Singapore to West Malaysia. There went my aspirations regarding having more relatives in Johore and up to Malacca.
All these events are the result of an ancient superstition and interpretation based on time of birth ? that those born in the year of the tiger on the Chinese lunar calendar can cause calamity to the family. It resulted in changes to the lives of countless Chinese-born babies, not only in China through the ages but also those born elsewhere.
The author is a senior HR consultant in Singapore.
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