The shocking truth about 鈥榥ormal鈥 life
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Shane and I have lived in China for near 13 years, and we鈥檝e both had the privilege of our parents coming to visit. Those visits made a huge difference to us all.
Everyone relaxed, because they suddenly got it. They could see 鈥渙ur China鈥 versus the one they saw on television. They met my colleagues, friends and neighbors. We mooched down Nanchang Road, shared hotpot and watched the dancers in Fuxing Park. Seeing my mom on the Great Wall is something I鈥檒l never forget.
My parents鈥 wide-eyed wonder reminded me of my first months here, when every outing was an adventure and every meal was an experience. Now the streets I couldn鈥檛 navigate are my neighborhood, and foods that were exotic are my Friday night takeout. I wrote my last article on the way to England, I write this one having just got back. My trip taught me a lot about what I鈥檝e come to normalize 鈥 both good and less good.
When does the extraordinary become ordinary? And what happens when we take ourselves for granted?
One night my parents had friends over for dinner. I was exhausted so left them to it, but the columnist in me couldn鈥檛 help but listen in on their conversation. I heard my dad talk about China鈥檚 infrastructure and my mom describe the kindness of my neighbors. They were giddy to share stories about a place their guests could only dream of. They were proud.
That鈥檚 when it hit me. I live in China. China! Little me would never have imagined bigger me being here. To exist outside one鈥檚 culture and away from one鈥檚 bloodline is no small thing. To navigate life in a language that isn鈥檛 yours, to build friendships across cultural divides, to make a home somewhere you鈥檒l always be an outsider. The life we live as expatriates is nothing short of extraordinary.
But extraordinariness isn鈥檛 reserved for people living abroad.
Take stock of your life. Where are you and what are you doing? Are you raising a family while juggling a home? Are you working toward a vision? Or do you get out of bed despite feeling shitty about yourself? These wins are yours, and they deserve to be counted.
Our brains are wired to normalize. It鈥檚 evolutionary. Psychologists call it hedonic adaptation 鈥 our ability to return to baseline after major positive or negative life changes. It鈥檚 why lottery winners return to previous happiness levels and prisoners adapt to incarceration. This normalization happens so gradually we barely notice it. The first paycheck feels like validation from the universe, the hundredth feels justified. What once overwhelmed us becomes routine, and remarkable achievements transform into mere expectations.
Adaptation comes at a cost. Like cataracts over clear vision, it dulls our perception. We assume others would walk more comfortably in our shoes. They wouldn鈥檛. We discount our struggles as ordinary and our achievements as inevitable. They鈥檙e not. And somewhere in this normalization, we lose sight of the life we鈥檙e lucky enough to live.
I鈥檝e been thinking about what my parents appreciated that I no longer did, and I鈥檓 giving myself grace. If I achieved nothing else in the past few years, I had the sheer audacity to build a life 5,000 miles from home. I grew to love an often misrepresented and misunderstood culture while becoming a columnist. And I鈥檝e advocated for mental health transparency in a society that often values stoicism over vulnerability. That鈥檚 enough.
But here鈥檚 the truth: An extraordinary life isn鈥檛 about where you live or what you accomplish. Greatness isn鈥檛 measured in accolades. It is a million small moments of resilience that quietly accumulate. The parent who reads one more bedtime story despite bone-deep exhaustion. The artist who faces the blank canvas despite crushing self-doubt. It takes courage and clarity to acknowledge that something can be simultaneously difficult and valuable.
Peel back the layers of normalization that have dulled your senses. Notice the systems you鈥檝e built, the languages you鈥檝e learned and the wounds you鈥檝e worked around. See your ordinary through a stranger鈥檚 eyes 鈥 not because they鈥檇 find it impressive, but because it鈥檚 yours. The extraordinary isn鈥檛 elsewhere or something we need to chase. It鈥檚 already here, hidden in plain sight. Your normalized life might be the very definition of extraordinary to someone else.
The greatest tragedy isn鈥檛 failing to live an extraordinary life. It鈥檚 living one without ever noticing.
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