The shocking truth about ‘normal’ life
Print Edition
Shane and I have lived in China for near 13 years, and we’ve both had the privilege of our parents coming to visit. Those visits made a huge difference to us all.
Everyone relaxed, because they suddenly got it. They could see “our China” versus the one they saw on television. They met my colleagues, friends and neighbors. We mooched down Nanchang Road, shared hotpot and watched the dancers in Fuxing Park. Seeing my mom on the Great Wall is something I’ll never forget.
My parents’ wide-eyed wonder reminded me of my first months here, when every outing was an adventure and every meal was an experience. Now the streets I couldn’t navigate are my neighborhood, and foods that were exotic are my Friday night takeout. I wrote my last article on the way to England, I write this one having just got back. My trip taught me a lot about what I’ve come to normalize — both good and less good.
When does the extraordinary become ordinary? And what happens when we take ourselves for granted?
One night my parents had friends over for dinner. I was exhausted so left them to it, but the columnist in me couldn’t help but listen in on their conversation. I heard my dad talk about China’s infrastructure and my mom describe the kindness of my neighbors. They were giddy to share stories about a place their guests could only dream of. They were proud.
That’s when it hit me. I live in China. China! Little me would never have imagined bigger me being here. To exist outside one’s culture and away from one’s bloodline is no small thing. To navigate life in a language that isn’t yours, to build friendships across cultural divides, to make a home somewhere you’ll always be an outsider. The life we live as expatriates is nothing short of extraordinary.
But extraordinariness isn’t reserved for people living abroad.
Take stock of your life. Where are you and what are you doing? Are you raising a family while juggling a home? Are you working toward a vision? Or do you get out of bed despite feeling shitty about yourself? These wins are yours, and they deserve to be counted.
Our brains are wired to normalize. It’s evolutionary. Psychologists call it hedonic adaptation — our ability to return to baseline after major positive or negative life changes. It’s why lottery winners return to previous happiness levels and prisoners adapt to incarceration. This normalization happens so gradually we barely notice it. The first paycheck feels like validation from the universe, the hundredth feels justified. What once overwhelmed us becomes routine, and remarkable achievements transform into mere expectations.
Adaptation comes at a cost. Like cataracts over clear vision, it dulls our perception. We assume others would walk more comfortably in our shoes. They wouldn’t. We discount our struggles as ordinary and our achievements as inevitable. They’re not. And somewhere in this normalization, we lose sight of the life we’re lucky enough to live.
I’ve been thinking about what my parents appreciated that I no longer did, and I’m giving myself grace. If I achieved nothing else in the past few years, I had the sheer audacity to build a life 5,000 miles from home. I grew to love an often misrepresented and misunderstood culture while becoming a columnist. And I’ve advocated for mental health transparency in a society that often values stoicism over vulnerability. That’s enough.
But here’s the truth: An extraordinary life isn’t about where you live or what you accomplish. Greatness isn’t measured in accolades. It is a million small moments of resilience that quietly accumulate. The parent who reads one more bedtime story despite bone-deep exhaustion. The artist who faces the blank canvas despite crushing self-doubt. It takes courage and clarity to acknowledge that something can be simultaneously difficult and valuable.
Peel back the layers of normalization that have dulled your senses. Notice the systems you’ve built, the languages you’ve learned and the wounds you’ve worked around. See your ordinary through a stranger’s eyes — not because they’d find it impressive, but because it’s yours. The extraordinary isn’t elsewhere or something we need to chase. It’s already here, hidden in plain sight. Your normalized life might be the very definition of extraordinary to someone else.
The greatest tragedy isn’t failing to live an extraordinary life. It’s living one without ever noticing.
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