Home » Opinion » Book review
Money often at heart of failed marriages
By Ni Tao |
June 5, 2010, Saturday
|
Print Edition
Print Edition
THE last time I read a book on managing romantic relationship was about 10 years ago and the title was so popular it later became known almost as the bible of love -- John Gray's "Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus."
But Gray's impenetrable psychological analysis eluded me then. Besides, I had no interest whatsoever in prying into adults' fickle emotional world. However, there indeed was a question I found at once intriguing and puzzling: why would couples still choose to stick with dysfunctional, loveless marriages?
This casual attitude toward divorce as the only exit from failed relationships can now be found among many young couples of the post-1980s generation. This age group has been portrayed in extensive media coverage as the major contributor to a surging divorce tide in recent years.
Whether this portrayal is fair or not, one thing is certain: young couples often have much less to think twice about than their parents before opting for divorce -- except for one consideration, which is now the biggest, and perhaps the sole, credible deterrent to impulse divorces: housing.
Skyrocketing home prices in China have created the weird phenomenon that many young couples, even after they sign the divorce documents, still live under the same roof.
This new aspect of the housing misery is played out on a regular basis in mediation programs on TV. On the whole, I loathe these programs for they smack of an outright hoax by professional shills. The convulsed faces and fits of hysteria of concerned parties are seldom accompanied by authentic tears.
Despite the awkward performance, one thing is probably true.
As home ownership of future sons-in-law increasingly becomes a prerequisite for marrying off their daughters, many prospective mothers-in-law are insisting that their daughters' names be added to property ownership certificates in prenuptial arrangements. Only in so doing, they argue, can their beloved daughters be guaranteed a secure future in case their marriages fail one day.
But what is the source of security and happiness for brides-to-be may be a source of financial pain, or worse, mistrust for their partners. As Bonnie Eaker Weil argues in her book "Financial Infidelity," nowadays extra-marital affairs are no longer the only form of infidelity. We are seeing more couples break up -- reluctant as they may be to concede -- because of conflicts over money.
"In study after study conducted on reasons for marriage distress, money is consistently named as one of the top two sources of conflict," says the author.
An interesting social trend is that more married women are becoming assertive in having the final say on family purchases or expenditure as they begin to out-earn their husbands.
Moreover, the omnipresent consumerist culture, which has a seemingly unbreakable grip on so many young women, is forcing their obedient and doting husbands to splurge hard-earned salaries on one Louis Vuitton handbag after another to satisfy their wives' vanity.
But too much emphasis on money and material comforts can wreck marriages, as spouses feel their love is less appreciated and valued than their financial contributions. It is these kinds of material demands that are often causing "financial infidelity."
A recent issue of the Southern Metropolis Weekly carried an article saying that some cash-strapped Chinese bachelors are flocking to Vietnam to find their better halves, as the girls there "are yet to be corrupted by the filthy lucre that seems to ooze out of every pore of Chinese society now."
But Gray's impenetrable psychological analysis eluded me then. Besides, I had no interest whatsoever in prying into adults' fickle emotional world. However, there indeed was a question I found at once intriguing and puzzling: why would couples still choose to stick with dysfunctional, loveless marriages?
This casual attitude toward divorce as the only exit from failed relationships can now be found among many young couples of the post-1980s generation. This age group has been portrayed in extensive media coverage as the major contributor to a surging divorce tide in recent years.
Whether this portrayal is fair or not, one thing is certain: young couples often have much less to think twice about than their parents before opting for divorce -- except for one consideration, which is now the biggest, and perhaps the sole, credible deterrent to impulse divorces: housing.
Skyrocketing home prices in China have created the weird phenomenon that many young couples, even after they sign the divorce documents, still live under the same roof.
This new aspect of the housing misery is played out on a regular basis in mediation programs on TV. On the whole, I loathe these programs for they smack of an outright hoax by professional shills. The convulsed faces and fits of hysteria of concerned parties are seldom accompanied by authentic tears.
Despite the awkward performance, one thing is probably true.
As home ownership of future sons-in-law increasingly becomes a prerequisite for marrying off their daughters, many prospective mothers-in-law are insisting that their daughters' names be added to property ownership certificates in prenuptial arrangements. Only in so doing, they argue, can their beloved daughters be guaranteed a secure future in case their marriages fail one day.
But what is the source of security and happiness for brides-to-be may be a source of financial pain, or worse, mistrust for their partners. As Bonnie Eaker Weil argues in her book "Financial Infidelity," nowadays extra-marital affairs are no longer the only form of infidelity. We are seeing more couples break up -- reluctant as they may be to concede -- because of conflicts over money.
"In study after study conducted on reasons for marriage distress, money is consistently named as one of the top two sources of conflict," says the author.
An interesting social trend is that more married women are becoming assertive in having the final say on family purchases or expenditure as they begin to out-earn their husbands.
Moreover, the omnipresent consumerist culture, which has a seemingly unbreakable grip on so many young women, is forcing their obedient and doting husbands to splurge hard-earned salaries on one Louis Vuitton handbag after another to satisfy their wives' vanity.
But too much emphasis on money and material comforts can wreck marriages, as spouses feel their love is less appreciated and valued than their financial contributions. It is these kinds of material demands that are often causing "financial infidelity."
A recent issue of the Southern Metropolis Weekly carried an article saying that some cash-strapped Chinese bachelors are flocking to Vietnam to find their better halves, as the girls there "are yet to be corrupted by the filthy lucre that seems to ooze out of every pore of Chinese society now."
- About Us
- |
- Terms of Use
- |
-
RSS - |
- Privacy Policy
- |
- Contact Us
- |
- Shanghai Call Center: 962288
- |
- Tip-off hotline: 52920043
- 沪ICP证：沪ICP备05050403号-1
- |
- 互联网新闻信息服务许可证：31120180004
- |
- 网络视听许可证：0909346
- |
- 广播电视节目制作许可证：沪字第354号
- |
- 增值电信业务经营许可证：沪B2-20120012
Copyright © 1999- Shanghai Daily. All rights reserved.Preferably viewed with Internet Explorer 8 or newer browsers.
