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Some let others shine and some suck air from rooms
By Wang Yong |
April 2, 2011, Saturday
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Print Edition
Print Edition
BEWARE of someone who talks your head off.
Whenever my wife's sister talks, I choose to shut up. There's no arguing with her. She is Know-It-All.
I once observed to her: "Many Italians excel in art." Stiff-necked, she replied in what felt like a rebuff: "Never have I heard that."
When I discussed this with my wife, she told me: "You're no better. You both are stiff-necked and pretend to know it all." Indeed, in the eyes of my wife and many acquaintances, don't I often talk their heads off, as well? In many ways, I may be no less a Know-It-All than my sister-in-law and others like her.
In fairness to myself, however, at least I know my weakness. To use the terminology of Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown, co-authors of "Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter," I stand somewhere between a multiplier - one who listens - and a diminisher - one who dictates.
As the authors say, a multiplier "earns" while a diminisher "demands" the respect of others. You can easily tell who is a multiplier and who is a diminisher. Whenever he or she runs a meeting or strikes a conversation, a diminisher shines and others around him or her grow dim.
A diminisher is so called because he or she shuts down the potential of others.
By contrast, while driving a debate, a multiplier lets others shine, making people feel safe enough to contribute. In the authors' words, multipliers allow others to "put their fingerprints on the decision."
"Diminishers give answers. Good leaders ask questions. Multipliers ask the really hard questions," say the authors. "Diminishers tell you what they know; multipliers help you learn what you need to know."
Great listener
As a Chinese reader not used to black-or-white distinctions, I am not comfortable with the authors' contradiction between a multiplier and a diminisher. (How can anyone be either black or white in this world?)
My wife is a great listener, hence a multiplier, but has the "diminisher element" inside her totally diminished? Not for certain.
After all, in decision making, sometimes you have to diminish something, even some people. A great multiplier knows what to multiply and what to diminish. It's here that the authors need to give a more nuanced explanation than just saying a multiplier is good and a diminisher is bad.
Indeed, the authors say elsewhere that a multiplier needs to eliminate anyone who stands in his or her way when he or she tries to build up talented people.
Doesn't this contradict the authors' own statement that a multiplier should "leverage every ounce of intelligence"?
But it won't be contradictory if we read the authors' minds to mean that one should aspire to multiply more than diminish others.
Though somehow oversimplified in separating a multiplier from a diminisher, the book is very useful in telling us that, generally speaking, multiplying makes you a better boss than diminishing.
However, I respectfully disagree with the authors in another area.
The authors say that when a diminisher (who distrusts others and tends to micromanage) leaves an organization, it falls apart; when a multiplier leaves, a "legacy" flourishes.
I believe the opposite: When a multiplier leader leaves an organization, it falls apart. The longer a multiplier leader stays in an organization, the better we all are.
The book, a best-seller in 2010, mainly talks about the merits of a multiplier as a leader, but it can be useful to anyone wishing to earn, not demand, the respect of others.
It can be a great guide in marital affairs, too.
Over the past few years, I've learned to listen to my wife's grumbles without talking back. Eventually she smiles - all is well that ends well.
Now, I know what I want to be: a multiplier husband.
Whenever my wife's sister talks, I choose to shut up. There's no arguing with her. She is Know-It-All.
I once observed to her: "Many Italians excel in art." Stiff-necked, she replied in what felt like a rebuff: "Never have I heard that."
When I discussed this with my wife, she told me: "You're no better. You both are stiff-necked and pretend to know it all." Indeed, in the eyes of my wife and many acquaintances, don't I often talk their heads off, as well? In many ways, I may be no less a Know-It-All than my sister-in-law and others like her.
In fairness to myself, however, at least I know my weakness. To use the terminology of Liz Wiseman and Greg McKeown, co-authors of "Multipliers: How the Best Leaders Make Everyone Smarter," I stand somewhere between a multiplier - one who listens - and a diminisher - one who dictates.
As the authors say, a multiplier "earns" while a diminisher "demands" the respect of others. You can easily tell who is a multiplier and who is a diminisher. Whenever he or she runs a meeting or strikes a conversation, a diminisher shines and others around him or her grow dim.
A diminisher is so called because he or she shuts down the potential of others.
By contrast, while driving a debate, a multiplier lets others shine, making people feel safe enough to contribute. In the authors' words, multipliers allow others to "put their fingerprints on the decision."
"Diminishers give answers. Good leaders ask questions. Multipliers ask the really hard questions," say the authors. "Diminishers tell you what they know; multipliers help you learn what you need to know."
Great listener
As a Chinese reader not used to black-or-white distinctions, I am not comfortable with the authors' contradiction between a multiplier and a diminisher. (How can anyone be either black or white in this world?)
My wife is a great listener, hence a multiplier, but has the "diminisher element" inside her totally diminished? Not for certain.
After all, in decision making, sometimes you have to diminish something, even some people. A great multiplier knows what to multiply and what to diminish. It's here that the authors need to give a more nuanced explanation than just saying a multiplier is good and a diminisher is bad.
Indeed, the authors say elsewhere that a multiplier needs to eliminate anyone who stands in his or her way when he or she tries to build up talented people.
Doesn't this contradict the authors' own statement that a multiplier should "leverage every ounce of intelligence"?
But it won't be contradictory if we read the authors' minds to mean that one should aspire to multiply more than diminish others.
Though somehow oversimplified in separating a multiplier from a diminisher, the book is very useful in telling us that, generally speaking, multiplying makes you a better boss than diminishing.
However, I respectfully disagree with the authors in another area.
The authors say that when a diminisher (who distrusts others and tends to micromanage) leaves an organization, it falls apart; when a multiplier leaves, a "legacy" flourishes.
I believe the opposite: When a multiplier leader leaves an organization, it falls apart. The longer a multiplier leader stays in an organization, the better we all are.
The book, a best-seller in 2010, mainly talks about the merits of a multiplier as a leader, but it can be useful to anyone wishing to earn, not demand, the respect of others.
It can be a great guide in marital affairs, too.
Over the past few years, I've learned to listen to my wife's grumbles without talking back. Eventually she smiles - all is well that ends well.
Now, I know what I want to be: a multiplier husband.
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