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Chinese parents use kids for personal status and one-upmanship
By Lena Zhang |
July 18, 2011, Monday
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WAN Lixin's "Cruel ratings mindset calls for shunning kids with low scores" (July 4) and Zong Lei's "Chinese mom: My son isn't just a test score in a US school" (July 11) have pointed out some serious flaws of the current educational system in China.
Many people have singled out the baton of gaokao for most of the blame for a cruel ratings mindset. However, I have some reservations about that, because if this were the case, then I would expect the problem to be more serious in the past when fewer were able to attend universities and those who managed to graduate were almost guaranteed a well-paid, well-regarded job for life.
The main blame may actually lie with today's parents.
Open-minded parents such as Wan and Zong are probably the exception rather than the norm among Chinese parents.
The majority are still the driving force behind a system that was developed and maintained, to a large extent, out of the necessity of satisfying the parents' demands that their children receive an education with a focus on academic excellence.
Many parents are firm believers that getting a foot in a good university is the key to a bright future.
It's not unusual for a parent to judge a school based solely on its academic reputation, and the school in turn to judge a teacher based solely on his/her pupils' academic achievements, although many years have passed since college graduates began to find themselves stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea - to either accept a low-paying job that may or may not have anything to do with their specific degree, or to join the ranks of the unemployed.
Tiger Mom
Overseas Chinese children are not all spared the cruelty of that mindset either because many parents have carried it abroad. In areas with higher Chinese saturation, the academic competition can start quite early in life, too.
Zong's son has just finished Junior A, but I suspect that soon he might find his situation in less stark a contrast with the experience of his mainland peers as he rises through the grades, if his school happens to have a high percentage of pupils from Chinese backgrounds.
After all, even American-born Tiger Mom believes that equipping her daughters with academic knowledge and skills and work habits using harsh methods would prepare them best for the future, although she admitted that if she had the chance to do it all over again she'd do it a little differently.
More importantly, many Chinese parents view their children more or less as their prized possessions and a fresh hope to rekindle one or another dream of their own, when they lack the quality or opportunity to realize it themselves. Or worse, they use their children as leverage for their one-upmanship against their own peers.
Even when schools do value other aspects of a child's development such as artistic talent etc, Chinese parents are apt at turning it into further competition.
Not letting their children lose on the starting line has long become their motto.
As a result, children often find it hugely disappointing that what might have been a fun opportunity to explore their interests and individualities was quickly metamorphosed into physical excruciation as well as heavy psychological burden.
Burn-out
What they probably haven't realized is that a head-start too early in life may well cause a burn-out later.
Life is not a sprint but a long race, in which the leading contestant early on usually loses the game.
In this age of instant gratification, however, parents have lost their patience to see their children grow at a natural pace, often wishing them to be an expert of all trades and superior to their peers at all stages in life.
More and more children are crushed by this rather vanity-driven impatience. Only a few days ago eight pupils from the Beijing Music School attempted group suicide as a result of poor academic performance. One girl told her mother that "she felt terribly sorry" and asked her family to "pretend she never lived."
This extreme case, together with numerous smaller cases where an "under-achiever" left a note of similar apologies for having disappointed his/her parents, makes it pretty obvious what a critical role parents play in the world of their children.
An expert in musical education commented in a recent media interview that some parents demand frequent changes of teachers for their children, often resorting to making a scene at the school and disturbing the order of education.
It's hard to imagine such a sad tale of self-destruction among youngsters, if their parents are always there to support them, to assure them that all roads will lead to Rome, and to help them explore other opportunities if they're academically challenged, rather than to force them to cramp down a narrow path in the name of wanting the best for their children.
It's harder to imagine that, if most parents could place the happiness of their children above all else, a school's academic reputation would still overshadow a fair and humane approach to education.
I hope more parents will soon come to their senses.
(The author is a reader based in Shanghai)
Many people have singled out the baton of gaokao for most of the blame for a cruel ratings mindset. However, I have some reservations about that, because if this were the case, then I would expect the problem to be more serious in the past when fewer were able to attend universities and those who managed to graduate were almost guaranteed a well-paid, well-regarded job for life.
The main blame may actually lie with today's parents.
Open-minded parents such as Wan and Zong are probably the exception rather than the norm among Chinese parents.
The majority are still the driving force behind a system that was developed and maintained, to a large extent, out of the necessity of satisfying the parents' demands that their children receive an education with a focus on academic excellence.
Many parents are firm believers that getting a foot in a good university is the key to a bright future.
It's not unusual for a parent to judge a school based solely on its academic reputation, and the school in turn to judge a teacher based solely on his/her pupils' academic achievements, although many years have passed since college graduates began to find themselves stuck between the devil and the deep blue sea - to either accept a low-paying job that may or may not have anything to do with their specific degree, or to join the ranks of the unemployed.
Tiger Mom
Overseas Chinese children are not all spared the cruelty of that mindset either because many parents have carried it abroad. In areas with higher Chinese saturation, the academic competition can start quite early in life, too.
Zong's son has just finished Junior A, but I suspect that soon he might find his situation in less stark a contrast with the experience of his mainland peers as he rises through the grades, if his school happens to have a high percentage of pupils from Chinese backgrounds.
After all, even American-born Tiger Mom believes that equipping her daughters with academic knowledge and skills and work habits using harsh methods would prepare them best for the future, although she admitted that if she had the chance to do it all over again she'd do it a little differently.
More importantly, many Chinese parents view their children more or less as their prized possessions and a fresh hope to rekindle one or another dream of their own, when they lack the quality or opportunity to realize it themselves. Or worse, they use their children as leverage for their one-upmanship against their own peers.
Even when schools do value other aspects of a child's development such as artistic talent etc, Chinese parents are apt at turning it into further competition.
Not letting their children lose on the starting line has long become their motto.
As a result, children often find it hugely disappointing that what might have been a fun opportunity to explore their interests and individualities was quickly metamorphosed into physical excruciation as well as heavy psychological burden.
Burn-out
What they probably haven't realized is that a head-start too early in life may well cause a burn-out later.
Life is not a sprint but a long race, in which the leading contestant early on usually loses the game.
In this age of instant gratification, however, parents have lost their patience to see their children grow at a natural pace, often wishing them to be an expert of all trades and superior to their peers at all stages in life.
More and more children are crushed by this rather vanity-driven impatience. Only a few days ago eight pupils from the Beijing Music School attempted group suicide as a result of poor academic performance. One girl told her mother that "she felt terribly sorry" and asked her family to "pretend she never lived."
This extreme case, together with numerous smaller cases where an "under-achiever" left a note of similar apologies for having disappointed his/her parents, makes it pretty obvious what a critical role parents play in the world of their children.
An expert in musical education commented in a recent media interview that some parents demand frequent changes of teachers for their children, often resorting to making a scene at the school and disturbing the order of education.
It's hard to imagine such a sad tale of self-destruction among youngsters, if their parents are always there to support them, to assure them that all roads will lead to Rome, and to help them explore other opportunities if they're academically challenged, rather than to force them to cramp down a narrow path in the name of wanting the best for their children.
It's harder to imagine that, if most parents could place the happiness of their children above all else, a school's academic reputation would still overshadow a fair and humane approach to education.
I hope more parents will soon come to their senses.
(The author is a reader based in Shanghai)
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