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New son changes everything for once-reluctant dad
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It was often said in ancient China that a man experiences bliss four times in his life: when it rains after a long drought, when meeting an old friend away from home, when he is married, and when he excels in the imperial civil service exam.
Perhaps it was because large families were so commonplace in ancient China that the birth of a newborn wasn’t included on this list.
For me though, the recent birth of my first son has been one of my greatest moments of happiness. I cannot but marvel at the way he has changed me — specifically, how he has softened my character and attitude toward children in general.
To be frank, I wasn’t fond of kids in the past. Not at all. They’re noisy, they pester you with their requests, they bother you when you’re trying to work, and you have to clean up after them.
For these and other reasons, pleas from my parents urging me and my wife to have children — we are both past prime child-rearing age — long went ignored. They even spurred me to insist that child-rearing is a personal choice, not to be interfered with by anyone else, not even parents.
All these feelings vaporized the moment I saw my son.
I still recall how I bolted up from bed, in a state of ecstasy, on the morning when my wife showed me test papers indicating she was pregnant.
I remember how I traced the contour of a tiny foot (or perhaps was it a fist?) on my wife’s tummy the first time she felt a fetal movement. And it seems like just yesterday when my son was taken from the delivery room on a gurney, his cries echoing through the waiting hall outside the operating theater.
What would have been previously regarded as plain noise then sounded like the most beautiful symphony I had ever heard. It’s hard to explain the sudden about-face in my attitude toward kids. Indeed, to the bafflement of those who know me, I can now even treat the children of other people with a hint of affection. Perhaps this can all be attributed to the magic power of fatherhood?
My son was born big, weighing 4.27 kilograms, almost as heavy as many month-old infants. Usually a plump son is the symbol of good fortune, but that wasn’t how we felt during my wife’s pregnancy. Predicting the size of our baby, the doctor warned that infants over four kilograms face a higher risk of having prenatal defects. Her warning had us worried for quite a while.
Luckily, so far everything about my son points to good health. He eats a lot, sleeps well, and cries loudly. Every night I carry him in my arms, easing him to sleep with a hummed version of Brahms’ famous lullaby, or just silently gaze at him in his peaceful, content slumber. Although he is too young even to babble, eye contact is all we need to understand each other.
There are too many people to thank for helping us prepare for my son’s arrival. I owe, of course, the biggest thanks to my wife, who went through the agonizing process of pregnancy.
Many women might reject the idea of a second child when they are struggling with their first one.
Despite her barely healed Caesarian wound, my wife is already setting her sights on a second child. All the pain, she said, was worth it the moment she saw our son. Once again, I was reminded of the greatness of maternal love.
In fact, before the Chinese government’s recent relaxing of its decades-long family planning policy, our shared status as only children already entitled us to a second child. That said, I welcome the policy adjustment.
Increasingly I find myself endorsing the ancient Chinese maxim that a large number of offspring is a source of good fortune. It is often said that child-rearing isn’t just a personal matter, but serves a greater communal good. If that’s true, we are happy to have made a meager contribution to a rapidly graying society.
With fatherhood comes a keener sense of responsibility. Being a father allows me to better realize how much love and care my parents have given me during my upbringing, and how I need to repay them through commitment to filial piety.
My gratitude also goes to my son. Although he doesn’t know, I thank him for how much he has taught me, and how my life has become fuller thanks to him.
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