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Parents need to open their minds
By Wu Guangqiang |
May 14, 2011, Saturday
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Print Edition
Print Edition
As a teacher, I've taught hundreds of students of different ages. My observation of various behavioral problems in teenagers has given me more worry than pleasure.
Chinese adolescents, while sharing some common traits with their Western counterparts such as rebellion, insolence, and obsession with digital distractions, have some unique characteristics, thanks to China's breakneck economic and social development and China's family planning policy.
Typically, Chinese children are more egocentric, self-isolated and emotionally fragile. Notorious cases of brutal killers like Yao Jiaxin and a spate of others are a reflection of this cumulative decline in the moral quality of younger generations.
Chinese parents are, in part, the real culprit of many of their children's misbehavior or wrongdoing.
Roughly, Chinese parents' fallacies in parenting fall into two extremes: excessive harshness and overindulgence. Amy Chua, the Tiger Mother, is a case in point for the former category. Her high-handed parenting style even shocked many Chinese parents.
Unlike most Western parents who do not define success of their children in a utilitarian sense, Chinese parents are narrow-minded about success. Both over-strict and over-doting parents share the same criteria for their children's success: academic excellence, versatile accomplishments, lucrative or powerful careers and elevated social status. Failure to achieve all or part of these goals will be seen as a shame.
Few parents make it a top priority to turn their children into a good citizen. Almost all parents wish their loved ones were a prodigy in one way or another.
Sadly, parents' unilateral fervor seldom produces positive results. On the contrary, their overwhelming pressure or excessive pampering often backfires. I've heard frequent complaints from parents of their children's dwindling communication with them.
When asked why they have little to talk with their parents, their answers are all but identical: They are outdated; they are always making a mountain out of a molehill; they just nag too much. Needless to say, erroneous parenting has more serious consequences than turning out a black sheep in the family; the society as a whole may suffer.
As a parent myself, I would like to share some of my experiences with other parents.
1. Show your love and affection
A gentle cuddle, a sweet smile, a little encouragement work better than a stern face or endless criticism to boost the confidence and well-being of your children.
2. Be a role model
What you are doing now will be what your children do later. Stop doing what may have a negative impact on your children: drinking, smoking, gambling and cheating.
3. Spend time with your children
The more time you spend with your children, the less likely they will stand aloof from you.
4. Teach your children to be honest and trustworthy
Many cases involving adolescent crimes in China reveal a fatal flaw with our education: absence or inadequacy of education in basic morality, honesty, integrity and respect for others. Anyone, however intelligent, will be a flimsy dwarf without a strong bone of morality.
5. Don't project your own dreams on to your children
Chinese parents try to compensate for their own loss in some areas as a child by making their children go for broke picking up what they missed. Keep this in mind: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. What will be will be.
(The author is a freelancer based in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province.)
Chinese adolescents, while sharing some common traits with their Western counterparts such as rebellion, insolence, and obsession with digital distractions, have some unique characteristics, thanks to China's breakneck economic and social development and China's family planning policy.
Typically, Chinese children are more egocentric, self-isolated and emotionally fragile. Notorious cases of brutal killers like Yao Jiaxin and a spate of others are a reflection of this cumulative decline in the moral quality of younger generations.
Chinese parents are, in part, the real culprit of many of their children's misbehavior or wrongdoing.
Roughly, Chinese parents' fallacies in parenting fall into two extremes: excessive harshness and overindulgence. Amy Chua, the Tiger Mother, is a case in point for the former category. Her high-handed parenting style even shocked many Chinese parents.
Unlike most Western parents who do not define success of their children in a utilitarian sense, Chinese parents are narrow-minded about success. Both over-strict and over-doting parents share the same criteria for their children's success: academic excellence, versatile accomplishments, lucrative or powerful careers and elevated social status. Failure to achieve all or part of these goals will be seen as a shame.
Few parents make it a top priority to turn their children into a good citizen. Almost all parents wish their loved ones were a prodigy in one way or another.
Sadly, parents' unilateral fervor seldom produces positive results. On the contrary, their overwhelming pressure or excessive pampering often backfires. I've heard frequent complaints from parents of their children's dwindling communication with them.
When asked why they have little to talk with their parents, their answers are all but identical: They are outdated; they are always making a mountain out of a molehill; they just nag too much. Needless to say, erroneous parenting has more serious consequences than turning out a black sheep in the family; the society as a whole may suffer.
As a parent myself, I would like to share some of my experiences with other parents.
1. Show your love and affection
A gentle cuddle, a sweet smile, a little encouragement work better than a stern face or endless criticism to boost the confidence and well-being of your children.
2. Be a role model
What you are doing now will be what your children do later. Stop doing what may have a negative impact on your children: drinking, smoking, gambling and cheating.
3. Spend time with your children
The more time you spend with your children, the less likely they will stand aloof from you.
4. Teach your children to be honest and trustworthy
Many cases involving adolescent crimes in China reveal a fatal flaw with our education: absence or inadequacy of education in basic morality, honesty, integrity and respect for others. Anyone, however intelligent, will be a flimsy dwarf without a strong bone of morality.
5. Don't project your own dreams on to your children
Chinese parents try to compensate for their own loss in some areas as a child by making their children go for broke picking up what they missed. Keep this in mind: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. What will be will be.
(The author is a freelancer based in Shenzhen, Guangdong Province.)
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