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Power of forgiveness: Key to Leadership
By George Kohlrieser |
August 14, 2010, Saturday
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IMAGINE what your life would be like if someone murdered one of your immediate family members. Think about the anger and bitterness you would feel towards that person.
Surely it would consume both your personal and professional life. Would you ever be able to move on?
Hopefully, none of you reading this has endured such a tragedy. But surely all of us have dealt with profound feelings of betrayal, injustice and loss of an important expectation whether on the job or at home.
No person better personifies this than Azim Khamisa, a former investment banker who tragically lost his only son to gang violence. His story epitomizes how one can learn to forgive and to ultimately find peace again in all areas of life.
On January 21, 1995, Azim Khamisa's 20-year old son Tariq was shot and killed by four youth gang members. Fourteen-year-old Tony Hicks pointed a gun and with a single shot took the life of Tariq Khamisa because he had refused to deliver a pizza without first being paid.
It was a long process, but ultimately Azim Khamisa chose not seek revenge over the loss of his son. Instead Azim chose forgiveness and peace.
I took a different response to this tragedy, stated Azim to an audience of participants during IMD business school's High Performance Leadership program. I saw Tariq was a victim of the 14-year-old, and I saw the 14-year-old as a victim of society. Both were victims at opposite ends of a gun.
Azim said that as a member of society, he too felt responsible for the bullet that took the life of his son. Even more stunning, he then reached out to Tony's grandfather, Ples Felix, who had custody of Tony at the time of the murder, with a hand of compassion and forgiveness.
Together the two men from two completely different backgrounds founded the Tariq Khamisa Foundation that is helping to bring attention to teen violence worldwide and is teaching peace and forgiveness as a means to conflict resolution. Azim has spoken with Tony on multiple occasions and upon his release from prison, Tony will have a job awaiting him at the foundation.
Azim was able to forgive Tony in order to move through the grieving process and ultimately find joy again. He states: Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. If I did not forgive Tony I would be very angry at him and if I am angry who does it hurt? Myself.
We rarely speak about forgiveness in an organizational or professional context. However, to understand effective high-performing leadership you have to be cognizant of the many people in organizations suffering emotional pain inflicted by others.
There are many types of losses of trust in which people do not let go, but rather hold onto resentment.
How do you deal with unwarranted criticism and backstabbing attempts on the job? How do you overcome betrayal, jealousy, rejection, disrespect, disappointments and the long list of possible negative work-related experiences? In addition, how do you deal with disappointments and letdowns in your personal life?
As work and home are interconnected, it should come as no surprise that most individuals satisfied in their personal life perform better on the job. On the other hand, major upheaval in one's personal life often leads to a sense of dissatisfaction and under-performance at work.
Effective leaders must be at peace with themselves and the events in their life past and present.
There are eight stages of grief: denial; protest and anger; sadness, missing or longing; fear about what will happen next; mental and emotional acceptance; forming new attachments or renewing a bond; forgiveness; and finally finding full gratitude and joy again.
Of these eight, forgiveness can be one of the hardest and at the same time the deepest healing experiences.
(Professor George Kohlrieser is Director of the High Performance Leadership program to be held in Hong Kong November 7-12, 2010.)
Surely it would consume both your personal and professional life. Would you ever be able to move on?
Hopefully, none of you reading this has endured such a tragedy. But surely all of us have dealt with profound feelings of betrayal, injustice and loss of an important expectation whether on the job or at home.
No person better personifies this than Azim Khamisa, a former investment banker who tragically lost his only son to gang violence. His story epitomizes how one can learn to forgive and to ultimately find peace again in all areas of life.
On January 21, 1995, Azim Khamisa's 20-year old son Tariq was shot and killed by four youth gang members. Fourteen-year-old Tony Hicks pointed a gun and with a single shot took the life of Tariq Khamisa because he had refused to deliver a pizza without first being paid.
It was a long process, but ultimately Azim Khamisa chose not seek revenge over the loss of his son. Instead Azim chose forgiveness and peace.
I took a different response to this tragedy, stated Azim to an audience of participants during IMD business school's High Performance Leadership program. I saw Tariq was a victim of the 14-year-old, and I saw the 14-year-old as a victim of society. Both were victims at opposite ends of a gun.
Azim said that as a member of society, he too felt responsible for the bullet that took the life of his son. Even more stunning, he then reached out to Tony's grandfather, Ples Felix, who had custody of Tony at the time of the murder, with a hand of compassion and forgiveness.
Together the two men from two completely different backgrounds founded the Tariq Khamisa Foundation that is helping to bring attention to teen violence worldwide and is teaching peace and forgiveness as a means to conflict resolution. Azim has spoken with Tony on multiple occasions and upon his release from prison, Tony will have a job awaiting him at the foundation.
Azim was able to forgive Tony in order to move through the grieving process and ultimately find joy again. He states: Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. If I did not forgive Tony I would be very angry at him and if I am angry who does it hurt? Myself.
We rarely speak about forgiveness in an organizational or professional context. However, to understand effective high-performing leadership you have to be cognizant of the many people in organizations suffering emotional pain inflicted by others.
There are many types of losses of trust in which people do not let go, but rather hold onto resentment.
How do you deal with unwarranted criticism and backstabbing attempts on the job? How do you overcome betrayal, jealousy, rejection, disrespect, disappointments and the long list of possible negative work-related experiences? In addition, how do you deal with disappointments and letdowns in your personal life?
As work and home are interconnected, it should come as no surprise that most individuals satisfied in their personal life perform better on the job. On the other hand, major upheaval in one's personal life often leads to a sense of dissatisfaction and under-performance at work.
Effective leaders must be at peace with themselves and the events in their life past and present.
There are eight stages of grief: denial; protest and anger; sadness, missing or longing; fear about what will happen next; mental and emotional acceptance; forming new attachments or renewing a bond; forgiveness; and finally finding full gratitude and joy again.
Of these eight, forgiveness can be one of the hardest and at the same time the deepest healing experiences.
(Professor George Kohlrieser is Director of the High Performance Leadership program to be held in Hong Kong November 7-12, 2010.)
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