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Reflections on the power of emotions
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DEAR Yong,
By coincidence I was just completing a course from The Teaching Company — entitled Emotional Intelligence — when I read your column on November 20 (“Insulting words do more damage than a fight”).
I have often felt embarrassed and awkward, uncertain whether it would be helpful for me to say or do anything to “tamp down” escalating emotions. (Experience has taught me that any such effort on my part would more likely serve to turn both parties’ anger toward me!) I have also, lamentably, been a participant in such exchanges, too.
The professor of this course frequently cited Asian — often Chinese — wisdom teachings to bring perspective to his subject matter. In particular, he cited the Chinese concept of “heart/mind” feelings or thoughts as a much better way to understand the interrelationships among our various emotions and our “rational” thinking processes.
Western dualism
He faults deeply ingrained Western dualism for creating a false distinction, indeed, separation, between “rational thinking” — presumed to be calm, factual, and unsullied by the “interference” that roiling passions can elicit — on the one hand, and “out of control emotions” (often regarded as synonymous with “the passions”) that only serve to cloud our judgment and contribute to inappropriate, even “over the top,” expressions of emotion.
It was really a fascinating course, as he dissected many common “explanations” of what emotions really were, such as, they are synonymous with “feelings” or simply reactions to hard-wired physiological reactions to environmental conditions (a threat “causes” fear while an insult “triggers” anger). For his part, he argued that our emotions are integral to our sense of “self.”
Then, frequently referring to the yin/yang symbol, he demonstrated how emotions — at least for those people who are not brain-damaged or attempt to regulate their display of emotions — are integral to achieving a life of honor and integrity and that the “best life” is one that Aristotle characterized as fulfillment: a life of passion governed by a proper relationship to others and to the world.
So sad that those running for political office in the United States so delight in stirring up the primarily negative emotions — negative because their cause is distorted — of fear and anger. He pointed out that for mature people, one’s “emotional state” has a great deal to do with how that person has reflected upon, and drawn lessons from, their previous engagement with the world. This, in turn, allows persons to intentionally adjust — or tamp down — the more excessive types of emotional displays that not only can result in harming or offending others, but in actually serving to impede peoples’ hopes of attaining their goals.
I thought your column reflected such wisdom. It truly is a shame how “thin-skinned” so many of us are and how, if we could but “get outside ourselves” (or, in the words of Robert Burns, “see ourselves as others see us”) we would understand the foolishness and the harm our reactive behavior can cause.
You concluded by saying, “Insulting words sometimes hurt people more than a fist does.” Despite often hearing the childhood chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!” I agree with you. Would that we would guard our tongues more than we do!
Greg
(Mr Greg Cusack is a retired statesman from Iowa, US)
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