After studying an article about Confucius in his Chinese textbook — probably an assignment to coincide with the annual Teachers’ Day on September 10 — my 10-year-old son told me excitedly that the sage would teach all his disciples equally, irrespective of their family circumstances.

That simple discovery is very insightful and relevant.

Unknowingly, my son has betrayed his own assessment of the state of our education.

The sage once said that “In teaching men, I make no difference between the rich and the poor. I have taught men who could just afford to bring me the barest presentation gift in the same way as I have taught others.”

Unfortunately today not all educators subscribe to Confucius’s egalitarian principles.

The growing gap between the have and havenots and the national call to create and answer market incentives have consolidated the tendency to reduce all problems to money. Against this background, the view that education should go beyond money is very refreshing.

Moral character

In an article on September 6, Shanghai Morning Post reported that a mother in Shanghai managed to get her daughter into an “elite primary school,” after spending over 1 million yuan (US$160,000) on a xuequfang, an apartment whose location ensures automatic admission to a particular school.

She finds her daughter unhappy.

In an online chatroom that links many parents, she finds that nearly all parents have already put their children through various pre-school training sessions, and the hottest topic is always the latest tricks in making their kids shine.

The mother, a believer in childhood happiness, realizes to her dismay that her daughter in all likelihood will be numbered among failures in that class.

"I would not have made such a fuss [of buying a xuequfang] had I foreseen this," she grumbled.

There are more egregious instances.

According to media reports, a man in Yingkou, Liaoning Province, has spent 10 million yuan to buy a kindergarten where his 4-year-old daughter began to study this September. The overbearing parent, when interviewed, said "it was not expensive indeed."

There is no predicting the ways a Chinese parvenu chooses to flaunt his easy money.

One explanation for this unpredictability is that since they themselves were not properly brought up, these nouveaux riches are unable to conceptualize rearing their children, except in terms of money.

As Paul Tough explains in his "How Children Succeed: Grit, Curiosity, and the Hidden Power of Character," the correct way to prepare children and teens for success is by teaching and mirroring good character and showing them how to persevere in the face of adversity.

"Character refers to something innate and unchanging, a core set of attributes that defines one's very essence ... In fact, they are skills you can learn; they are skills you can practice; and they are skills you can teach," Tough observes.

"Generosity, integrity and fairness" are traits of "moral character," while "self-control, social intelligence and grit" are markers of "performance character."

Environment

Here Tough has drawn from the experiences of a number of social projects set up to give impoverished children in the United States better chance to succeed.

It is found that poor performance is often linked to lack of supportive families, problems in the surrounding community, and lack of mentoring in executive-function skills - the ability to regulate yourself, use memory effectively and control impulses.

As Tough believes, "If we can improve a child's environment in the specific ways that lead to better executive functioning, we can increase his prospects for success in a particularly efficient way."

The most important part of that environment is probably the family.

Citing US studies, Tough shows that adverse childhood experiences - including neglect, splintered families and sexual abuse - made children more likely to smoke, abuse alcohol or have sex before age 15.

"Attachment theory" also suggests that the early connections that affectionate parents form with their children during their first year of life generate specific, positive effects that last a lifetime.

In a study conducted by McGill University in Montreal, Canada, it is found that rat pups whose mothers "licked and groomed" them were more confident, self-sufficient and eager to explore their surroundings.

Similarly, as Tough observes, "Early nurturing attention from their mothers ... fostered in them a resilience that acted as a protective buffer against stress."

Importantly, this affection should be guided by moral principles.

Take the example of Li Tianyi, 17, now a household name in China. He is son of Li Shuangjiang, one of China's best known singers, and was recently on trial for his involvement in an alleged gang rape case.

On the face of it, Li Tianyi has all the advantages of a supportive family.

In a video leaked online, we see that the celebrity father, overjoyed to have a son in his ripe old age by a woman 27 years younger, allowed his baby son to ride on him like a horse. At five, Li Tianyi was a member of the team lobbying for Beijing's bid for the 2008 Summer Olympics. He gave his solo performance at 15, and was educated at an expensive US private school.

Beyond success

For all the advantage of money and power, Li Tianyi has the misfortune of being brought up by parents who expressed their love for their son by showering money on him.

One example suffices here. Following Li Tianyi's release from a juvenile correction center after his first brush with law in a road accident, the minor was given a car worth 1 million yuan by his parents as a compensation for his old BMW car involved in the accident.

The case confirms Tough's belief that "The most effective vehicle for improving children's outcomes is ... the family - or, if necessary, the creation of substitute or supplemental family structure."

In addition to the "attachment theory," Tough also cites Malcolm Gladwell's theory that gaining real expertise in a skill requires investing 10,000 hours of deliberate practice. "Learning is hard. True, learning is fun, exhilarating and gratifying - but it is also often daunting and sometimes discouraging," Tough writes.

That leads to a more fundamental question: For all the preaching about success, it remains true that only a select among multitudes end up "making it."

The book can be an invaluable guide for someone who views "success" as the undisputed, sole meaning of life, though that view is deeply suspect.

In his "Outliers: The Story of Success" Gladwell writes, "Do you see the consequence of the way we have chosen to think about success? Because we so profoundly personalize success, we miss opportunities to lift others onto the top rung. We make rules that frustrate achievement. We prematurely write off people as failures."

It is easy to see that the agitation for success on a national scale can only lead to a nation of failures and losers.

True, the struggle not to be left behind can lead to a phenomenon variously known as "growth," or "prosperity" - but at what a price?

The true remedy for this frantic drive to succeed is not Tough's take on success, nor Gladwell's "Outliers," but the works of Chinese sages such as Chuag Tzu and Lao Tzu.