In the ever-changing dating landscape, the attitudes of both single men and women are becoming slightly more liberal, if a spate of recent surveys is anything to go by.

More men and women said it was acceptable if their girlfriend or boyfriend had previous relationships and that both “budget husbands” and “budget wives” are the most desirable partners for marriage.

A survey covering 18,019 people across China by the country’s biggest dating website jiayuan.com found that women tend to look at the overall character of men when choosing a partner while guys are preoccupied with a woman’s appearance.

The survey found Shanghai men prefer plump women the most. Of those who said they like a little extra padding, about 20 percent were Shanghainese, the highest nationwide. And among men who were attracted by large breasts, 17 percent were from Shanghai, second only to men in Guangdong Province.

Shanghainese men were also attracted by women’s buttocks and eyes, according to the survey.

It also found 76 percent of Chinese men hope for a breast size of C-cup or larger, meaning some 71 percent of women in the country do not meet their requirements.

Meanwhile, women consider men who work hard, play sports and help with housework as “sexy,” according to the survey.

Last year, the term “budget husband” was coined online to refer to guys who meet some desired requirements, but not all. These men are considered potential good husbands as they are deemed “safe” and “reliable.” Such men are between 172 and 182 centimeters tall, possess a mild temperament, are loyal, know how to cook a little, have a bachelor’s degree, earn 3,000 yuan (US$484) to 10,000 yuan a month, don’t smoke and don’t hang out in bars too often.

The term is an offshoot of budget housing, and the female counterpart “budget wife” was created later.

Budget husbands are different than “diamond husbands,” who are well-educated, handsome and wealthy.

In a major shift from the past, Jiayuan’s latest report on dating and marriage, released last month, also found people with no love experience isn’t as desirable as it once was.

Only 1 percent of single women and 7 percent of single men hope their potential mates have never dated in the past. Most respondents said they prefer someone with one to three previous relationships, the website’s survey based on 176,715 interviewees nationwide revealed.

Building experience

Zhang Jiarui, a dating and marriage counselor, says the change in attitude toward past lovers shows a gradual liberalization of Chinese.

“In the past, most Chinese men had a virgin complex as they wanted their partners to be pure and simple,” Zhang says. “But the success rate of relationships among people with no love experience is very low. Dating is a kind of growing experience and most people don’t know what they really want in their spouse until they have dated a least a couple of people.”

Mark Zhang, an advertisement company worker in Jiangsu Province, says he knew his girlfriend had several past boyfriends but he didn’t care.

“Only those who have dated before know how to love. They can draw on past experience to avoid similar mistakes in marriage, and they know how to cherish their spouse,” he says.

The Shanghai Civil Affairs Bureau revealed last month that public servants, professional technical personnel and white collar workers are the most favored potential mates of Shanghainese youngsters, based on a survey of people under 35 years old.

The success rate of marriage with partners introduced by acquaintances is the highest at more than 40 percent, while about 45 percent of people marry within one year after dating starts, the bureau found, based on its survey of more than 1,000 couples.

Meanwhile, attitudes toward sex are gradually changing as well, and premarital cohabitation is accepted by more people.

Some 64 percent of single women and 81 percent of single men said they don’t object to living with their partner before marriage, but would be cautious about it, according to jiayuan.com’s survey of 176,715 people.

About 2 percent of single women and 8 percent of single men believe it is a must to live together first before getting married to see whether they are suitable for each other. This was once completely unacceptable.

Meanwhile, only 9 percent of single men desire a partner who is “excellent in every aspect” compared with 25 percent of women who want an “excellent man.”

“Chinese men prefer common girls with good character to ensure a stable marriage,” Zhang says.

Another Jiayuan survey, which covered more than 350,000 singles released late last year, found Shanghainese men have the least night life nationwide, while Shanghainese women are more independent and willing to end a relationship if they aren’t happy. The number of “left-over” men and women is growing and so is the number of youngsters seeking a divorce.

In China, women are regarded as being “left on the shelf” if they are still single in their late 20s. The same applies to men in their mid-30s.

“This is a real social problem,” says Zhou Juemin, director of the Shanghai Matchmaking Association. “This wave of singles — the fourth in China, which started in 2006 — is forecast to last 10 to 15 years.”

Zhou says many single young men simply don’t know how to communicate with women.

Family matters

Last year, more than 52,000 couples involving at least one Shanghai partner divorced. Of those, 19,033 couples have at least one partner below the age of 30.

Leng Li, a psychologist and marriage counselor, says those born after 1980 tend to be pampered by their parents as the result of the one-child policy and are often more self-centered and less tolerant in a marriage.

She says many of these youngsters rely on the opinions of their parents, whose intervention in a marital dispute tends to make things worse.

Meanwhile, as the attitudes of the young generation slowly shift, parents still tend to meddle in their children’s love lives, scouting for potential spouses. Some do so without their son or daughter’s consent.

“I could not imagine my daughter living alone without anybody to care for her,” says a retired university professor surnamed Zhang who once visited a mass matchmaking event for her 40-year-old daughter. “I will die one day and it is not good for her health to have a baby at such an age if she does not marry soon.”

Some mothers still often expect a potential future husband for their daughter to provide an apartment (in some cases one that has no mortgage), betrothal gifts and a car. Such demands often lead to couples splitting even though they love one another.