PLEASURE IN PAIN: The uncomfortable truth we avoid
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I have a confession. Alright, I have a few. I take my phone to bed. I skip social events and lie about why. And sometimes I feel good when other people feel bad.
There鈥檚 no English term for this last disclosure so we use the German word, schadenfreude. 鈥淪chaden鈥 means damage or harm, and 鈥渇reude鈥 means joy or pleasure. Put together, schadenfreude is to take enjoyment in someone else鈥檚 suffering.
Check in with yourself before deciding that鈥檚 not you. Have you ever quietly celebrated a colleague not getting promoted, laughed at an embarrassing reality TV moment or felt pleased at a public figure being taken down? Then you鈥檝e had schadenfreude.
That you have felt delight in somebody else鈥檚 downfall doesn鈥檛 make you a bad person. Just human. We sometimes find solace in the suffering of others. It鈥檚 an uncomfortable but unavoidable fact, and one that鈥檚 reflected back at us in popular culture. Pick up a book, go to the theater or listen to a power ballad, and the plight of someone will be present.
For me, there鈥檚 nothing more depressing than a romantic comedy. If you want to feel awful about yourself, watch Jennifer Aniston imitate the excruciating reality of actual life. No, I prefer crime. Love a thriller. It鈥檚 cathartic to see somebody else鈥檚 life fall apart. 鈥淏reaking Bad,鈥 鈥淐riminal: UK,鈥 鈥淗appy Valley,鈥 鈥淢indhunter,鈥 鈥淧rime Suspect,鈥 鈥淭he Fall,鈥 鈥淭he Sinner,鈥 鈥淭he Staircase鈥 and 鈥淭he Stranger.鈥 I鈥檝e done them all. And I鈥檓 not alone.
As I write this, one of the top trending shows on Netflix is 鈥淏aby Reindeer.鈥 I just binged it. This uniquely dark series tells the true story of a struggling comedian who finds himself in a twisted relationship with a female stalker after showing her one simple act of kindness. Over seven episodes, Donny Dunn is pursued, drugged and repeatedly raped. The protagonist is the man who suffered this unimaginable trauma. How bonkers is that? He lived this nightmare and then relived it for us to enjoy as we switch off from the reality of our own existence. Which we have: 鈥淏aby Reindeer鈥 has more than 22 million views 鈥 that鈥檚 87.4 million hours of entertainment and counting.
Why do we take pleasure in somebody else鈥檚 pain? And real or not, is it ever OK?
Feeling uncomfortable about my Netflix home screen, I contacted licensed counseling psychologist and close friend Zhang Bohan. In his mind, we experience schadenfreude to give us a sense of justice when we see others as being more successful than we are. It鈥檚 a coping mechanism to ease bitter feelings fueled by the comparison culture of the modern world. When someone we deem superior runs into trouble in ways that lower their standing, it produces a heady cocktail of happiness at zero cost to us. Make sense.
But what does enjoying someone else鈥檚 downfall mean? Bohan assured me we鈥檙e not going to hell in a hand basket. To feel schadenfreude may highlight that we鈥檙e not entirely selfless but it doesn鈥檛 make us bad people. It鈥檚 an experience akin to jealousy, and if you鈥檝e never felt that, you鈥檙e likely dead inside. Of course, this is all proportionate and doesn鈥檛 happen every time someone messes up. Nice, likeable people experiencing misfortune is seldom comfortable to see, whether they鈥檙e fictional characters or not. And there鈥檚 only so much suffering any of us can stand.
But given schadenfreude is an inbuilt, common experience, I wonder if it comes with benefits. Various thinkers throughout history have said so.
The famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud believed that schadenfreude provides emotional relief, an idea echoed in Richard H. Smith鈥檚 book, 鈥淭he Joy of Pain: Schadenfreude and the Dark Side of Human Nature,鈥 which explores how schadenfreude can lead to a deeper understanding of human emotions.
Not convinced? Susan Krauss Whitbourne, writing for Psychology Today, highlights that acknowledging schadenfreude can improve emotional intelligence and self-awareness. And social psychologist Mina Cikara鈥檚 research suggests that sharing schadenfreude might even strengthen social bonds. I鈥檓 only scraping the schadenfreude surface.
The uncomfortable truth is: While schadenfreude isn鈥檛 the most flattering emotion, it is part of life and embracing the odd moment might help you understand yourself and others better. I plan to continue indulging in the shadowy side of popular culture without beating myself up or worrying about what it means. There will be no karmic justice, nor does it make me any less human. I鈥檓 just a flawed and complicated person with unmet needs, fears and desires that I like to switch off from. So, the next time you find yourself engrossed in a crime drama marathon or chuckling at someone鈥檚 minor mishap, don鈥檛 be too hard on yourself.
... And if it鈥檚 any consolation, we鈥檇 probably do the same if it were you.
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